I found myself in a familiar place of heartache that resurrected feelings of disappointment I thought I left behind weeks ago. But sadness crept back in with a fresh sting. I let this person go, or so I thought, so I couldn’t help but wonder why these negative feelings returned with more gust than before.
I was hurting, trying to stay above water and fighting through waves of self-doubt. When the gloom cleared, I realized I had let someone go, but I had let go of who I thought they were. When their true self was revealed, I realized I let go of someone else. Now that I was presented with an entirely different person, the person I discovered they were all along, I had to start over.
In my situation, we ended things while keeping the door open; he said it wouldn’t work now because of timing. I tried to make a clean break, but he insisted otherwise. I didn’t wait for him, necessarily—not consciously, anyway. I thought if we stayed in contact, eventually, when his circumstances changed, he’d choose me. I was so sure of something I was so wrong about. I learned that was never part of his plan. His actions spoke louder than his words, and he quickly chose someone else instead.
I think that’s the most frustrating part of dating, trying to find honesty. It’s something so simple yet so challenging to find in relationships today. That’s why moving on comes with so many roadblocks. Often, we don’t know what we’re moving on from. When lines are blurred and communication is scattered, it’s tough to clarify. Letting go of a misconception of a person only prevents you from releasing the reality of that person.
Remember, when you face rejection, anger is appropriate. Anger is a normal reaction when someone hurts you, but it’s up to you to make sure that anger doesn’t control you. When anger is in control, it can hurt you.
You can still have empathy for someone that hurt you while acknowledging that this person has no place in your life. There’s no room for them on the path to healing and the road forward. They’re traveling in an entirely different direction than you, so you must clear the back of your mind from the idea of reconciliation. This means you can’t look for closure from them as a way to open things back up.
Friends and family can preach that you deserve better all day long, but it’s not until you believe it yourself that you’ll start making choices that help you. That starts with thinking differently.
Instead of questioning why someone didn’t choose you, ask why you’d even consider giving someone who doesn’t choose you any amount of your sacred energy. Sometimes the key to moving on from someone is accepting that you don’t need to understand why they hurt you. You only need to understand your feelings about the situation and how allowing yourself to rumble with that pain will help you move forward.
Think of it like this: The sooner you can let them go, the sooner they’ll be a distant memory that can crumble into the past. Maybe you’ll never be enough for them, but that’s exactly why they were never enough for you. They’ve moved on, so let them go. You don’t need to look for answers. Discovering why someone hurt you doesn’t erase your pain; in fact, digging for an explanation doesn’t do anything but hold you in the past.
Be mindful of where your thoughts and energy are being used today. If you find yourself backtracking and reminiscing, that’s okay. Take a deep breath and then make a conscious choice to think of something big or small that you want to accomplish tomorrow, this week, this month, or this year. Any of these thoughts will keep your mind moving forward.
Negative experiences can shape you without staying with you—or controlling your present.
Be grateful for your open heart and know that you will feel that spark again.
You are worthy of undeniable reciprocation.