I’m no stranger to rejection, whether it was direct or indirect. I used to think the indirect denial hurt so much more, but with time and several failed relationships, my perception evolved. I learned that direct rejection was worse because it had more to do with me. Indirect may have always come as more of a shock, but if I’m completely transparent, I must acknowledge that direct rejection usually followed a period of denial on my end.
It takes time to acknowledge that repeated heartbreak typically happens when someone continues to go after the same kind of person yet continues to ignore who that person really is. Settled comfortably in denial, we continue to overlook the truth even when the person we’re seeing shows us exactly who they are. Even when they prove that they can never give you what you need, you keep trying to change what’s right in front of you.
Sometimes all we need to do is take a giant step back to see the reality of what’s in front of us.
Maybe you’re facing heartbreak because you keep looking for ways to change people that break you.
I think so many chronically single people, myself included, ignore the fact that they not only invite but welcome the same type of unavailable person into their lives—instead of changing the kind of person they seek out. But the reality remains that we can’t expect a different outcome while welcoming the same variables in our lives.
You can’t force a person into a relationship.
You can’t distract a person into happiness.
You can’t pretend something works when it doesn’t.
Every person has the potential to change—it’s just that most people don’t. And if they do, it happens over some time, and usually outside of a relationship.
Most people are good, even if many don’t act that way. But we’re only human, so we make mistakes.
We all bleed, and we all love, so have empathy for the people that hurt you. This doesn’t rationalize their bad behavior but instead pushes you to look at the scenario objectively. Believe people when they show you who they are and focus on finding a worthy recipient of the love you have to offer.
When you look at past heartbreaks, acknowledge that neither person is necessarily bad nor necessarily good. You were just positioned at different points on your separate journeys. You are two imperfect human beings looking for love, and you didn’t find your match.
Recognize who you’re choosing to spend time with and where you’re utilizing our energy.
We must take accountability for our part—and accept other people for who they are rather than trying to fit a square inside a circle.
Instead, shift your focus onto the only person you have control over, and that’s you.