I tried so hard, and then I tried even harder. Still, I kept trying. I believed anything that made me feel this strongly was worth fighting for. And that’s where I went wrong.
I fought alone when I thought we were fighting together. I rationalized myself into a state of delusion masked as hopefulness. Disrespect was disguised for passion where lust was cloaked as love. I was taken advantage of because I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I fought for what I thought was worth fighting for as my heart was shattered. Alone and abandoned, I wasn’t able to pick up every piece. What I couldn’t carry, I left behind. I lost a part of myself, and it’s too late to go back and get it. I no longer crave love the way I used to because I no longer crave much of anything.
I’m closed off and unwilling as I fight to see the good. I stereotype, judge, and assume that what I’m looking for may not be out there. Maybe it never was, and perhaps it never will be. That’s what it feels like right now. It’s like I’ve hit rock bottom, with dating, relationships, love, all of it.
I don’t think a relationship is a solution where it’s the overwhelming deception and rejection that have pushed me into isolation. I may feel alone, but I know that I’m not alone. You’re not alone. We’re not alone.
Heartbreak can stay with you without controlling you. I’ve fallen in a hole but’s it’s up to me to pull myself out.
With the defeat comes the opportunity to conquer. With victory comes the strength to evolve. With solitude comes the chance for reflection and clarity. With a clear mind, you’re able to learn what hurts while discovering what strengthens you. Getting thrown down allows you to figure out what it’s like to get back up. I may not feel strong at this moment, but I will feel strong again.
And so will you.