You are forgiving—WAY TOO forgiving for your own good. If Gandhi and Mother Teresa had a baby, it would be you. You are dripping with compassion and self-effacement—so much that it gets messy and you need to mop it up. Your problem is that you’re too good and have too much of a conscience—you’ll forgive someone because you don’t want them to feel guilty, no matter how much they should feel guilty.
You’re a bit of a pushover, aren’t you? You are so quick to apologize, it’s like a mental version of premature ejaculation. You will always accept a sincere apology. You’ll even empathize with the dumb reason they made up for hurting you in the first place, even if you’ll realize it’s a dumb and fake reason. You’ve been burned by your tendency to forgive, but still you hold your hand over the open fire, thinking you won’t get burned this time.
You will forgive for a higher cause of keeping something good together like a friendship or a romance. You will forgive if you hear genuine remorse or if you deem the person worth giving another chance. You realize that hatred eats you like acid from the inside out, so you’re quick to get rid of grudges.
No use tearing yourself apart because someone else was thoughtless.
You burn white-hot with rage…at first. But it doesn’t last long. You have neither the time nor the muscles to carry around all that resentment.
You don’t forgive immediately—they need to apologize. And maybe something a little extra to make up for the damage. Maybe dinner would be nice. Or that weekend vacation you’ve been dying to take. A little token of their remorse.
Your split personality splits along how extreme the transgression was. You forgive the little things easily. The big things, not so much. The one thing you won’t forgive is romantic infidelity. Oh, and if anyone says anything bad about your family. So that’s two things. You will also forgive if you’re in love. If not, forget about it. So that’s three things. So, OK, actually there are a lot of things you won’t forgive.
If you like…or love…the person who harmed you, you’re much more likely to forgive them. You will get salty with them, even when forgiving them. You want them to squirm just a little. You enjoy that. You will forgive someone a maximum of twice. Third time is deadly.
You will forgive—sometimes—if they not only apologize, but if they somehow make amends for the damage they caused, or at least pay restitution. You also enjoy watching them grovel, because it gives you back the upper hand. You don’t hold grudges, you just erase someone from your life. But let’s be honest, you’re no saint—you’re equally likely at any given time to need forgiveness more than you’ll be needed to grant it.
You sort of forgive people in the very narrow sense that you’ll still maintain contact with them, but you never let them forget for a moment. You will bring up what they did again and again and again until they’re tempted to do something worse to you. Since you still hold their feet to the fire, it’s a weak kind of forgiveness. It’s really not forgiveness at all. It’s just a way of torturing the person who wronged you.
You used to forgive people until you realized many—actually, most—of them saw that as a sign of weakness and an invitation to walk all over you. So you’re much less generous with your forgiveness than you were before. You see forgiving someone as a second indignity to yourself, and at this point, only one indignity is enough for you to cut the cord on someone forever.
If they take an inch, you steal a mile. You’ll pretend you forgive on one condition—if you can squeeze some huge favor out of them. Otherwise, they don’t deserve your forgiveness or attention. And they sure as hell ain’t getting a Christmas card from you this year.
You take things personally—probably more personally than anyone ever intends them. You would rather hurt them back ten times as much as they hurt you instead of ever forgiving them. But your revenge is also personal. You seek to hurt. To get them fired and/or ostracized. Once someone trips your alarm, they will have hell to pay.
Getting on your bad side is like crossing a serial killer. To you, there is no such thing as overkill. They deserve everything they have coming to them for being foolish enough to cross you in the first place. Someone would have better luck accidentally stepping on the Devil’s hoofs than in crossing you. Vengeance is yours. They will be praying for your forgiveness as you cast them into the lake of fire.