(March 21st to April 19th)
Probably the most unfaithful sign in the zodiac, the perpetually restless and insecure Aries guy needs constant ego-stroking and endless new adventures. They get bored easily, and when they do, they look for an ego boost like a junkie looks for drugs. And they don’t even mind getting caught—in fact, they prefer it, because seeing you upset only feeds their insatiable ego. Although they may never cross the line to a physical relationship with someone else while they’re with you, they’ll do their best to look stunning around that coworker they have a crush on—a hair is never out of place, and his clothes are always clean and pressed. Meanwhile, he’ll wear sweatpants around you and sometimes not even bother to shower and brush his teeth.
(April 20th to May 21st)
Taurus people are as loyal and faithful as the family dog and won’t even consider cheating—emotionally or physically—unless they strongly suspect you’re already cheating on them. But instead of blabbing about all their relationship problems to a third party they find attractive, they will instead take a passive role; they’ll listen to that third party—you know, that cute barista girl with the glasses and all the tattoos—complain about her boyfriend. And his toes will curl with excitement because he knows that girl wouldn’t even seek him out as a confidant if she didn’t have feelings for him. So he’ll let the girl emotionally cheat, because he doesn’t consider that cheating.
(May 22nd to June 21st)
Ahh, the “twin,” the uniquely split personality of all the signs. Geminis are cruel in their cheating, usually targeting one of your best friends as the object of their affection and lust. Merely to make you jealous, he’ll take your best friend out to lunch, and if you get upset about it, he’ll call you paranoid—all while gloating inside that you swallowed the bait. Nine times out of ten, he’ll make your friend pay for the lunch, too, because that’s just the way he is.
(June 22nd to July 22nd)
Crabs are extremely loyal—when they choose you as a partner, they want you not only until death, but all the way into eternity. But since they’re considerate, they’ll strike up a borderline-romantic “friendship” with someone at school and never once even mention that this other person exists. But since they’re clumsy at cheating, you’ll find out about that person, anyway.
(July 23rd to August 22nd)
Being egocentric, Leos crave attention, excitement, and drama—so long as it all centers around them. Without your knowledge, they’ll keep a whole “stable” or “bullpen” of other girls as backups for when you two fight. Whether it’s an ex or someone they’d like to get to know better, they keep in constant touch with these other girls, paying extra attention to whether they’re in relationships. If they are, they will relentlessly insult the other guy while telling the girl that they deserve someone better. They’ll never imply that the “someone better” is him, but make no mistake—the girl will get the message loud and clear.
(August 23rd to September 22nd)
Don’t let the name fool you—not only aren’t Virgos true virgins, they are the most shameless manwhores of the zodiac. They cheat like other people breathe; it’s in their blood. Unlike most people, they are capable of being in love with multiple girls at the same time, and they cover their tracks with the skill of a government spy. The minute you fall asleep by their side, they’re texting these other girls in the middle of the night, making small talk and complimenting their new haircut. Although they may not need sex from all these other girls, they couldn’t live without all that attention.
(September 23rd to October 22nd)
Libras are very faithful friends, but not so faithful when it comes to love. Being impulsive, they can’t resist any attention from the opposite sex. They will log onto Tinder when you’re not around just to see how many matches they can get. And they will talk to their matches all day and all night, but never about anything sexual—because, to them, that would be cheating.
(October 23rd to November 22nd)
Scorpios find themselves in a double bind—they are intensely loyal, but they are also intensely lustful. They are also the most possessive star sign, and if they suspect you of even winking at someone of the opposite sex, they will immediately seek a way to get even. He’ll call their best friend’s sister—the one who knows you well and knows you’re involved with him—and complain about how “boring” and “unexciting” his life is. It’s a way of insulting you without you ever finding out…that is, unless his best friend’s sister puts hos before bros and calls to tell you that something fishy is going on.
(November 23rd to December 21st)
A thrill-seeker by nature, Sagittarius approaches cheating like a gambler approaches a card game—they play to win without showing you any emotion. What they will do is seek to reestablish contact with an ex, tell you that it’s a “best friend” from a long time ago, and share all the secrets they’re not telling you with this “best friend.” But they will not shy away from telling you how great this “best friend” is and how he talks to her all the time. One of their biggest thrills—even more thrilling to sex—is the power trip of making their partner feel jealous.
(December 22nd to January 20th)
Loyal but demanding, Capricorns don’t usually stray unless they feel you’re not giving them everything they need both physically and emotionally. If you fail to meet their grade—even once—they will seek solace and reassurance in another girl. While never intending to actually have sex with this other girl, he will constantly talk about sex in graphic terms with her. They might even send the occasional dick pic just to get a reaction, just to see that if things go wrong with you and him, he can go beyond emotional cheating and hop straight into bed with the other girl, where he’ll last three minutes and then complain about you for ten hours.
(January 21st to February 18th)
The sign most prone to falling in love quickly and with no inhibitions, Aquarius is also very quick to fall out of love and seek that initial high with someone else. They just can’t help themselves from seeking attention and validation wherever they can get it. He will shamelessly “like” every Facebook post and Instagram photo from his new crush, even checking his phone to see if there’s a response when you’re out at a restaurant with him, sitting across from him at the table and wondering why things went from hot to cold so quickly.
(February 19th to March 20th)
Faithful by nature, Pisces only tend to cheat if you aren’t meeting one of his emotional or intellectual needs. He won’t even cheat on you if the sex between you is less than stellar. But if you don’t like his favorite music, or you just don’t see what’s so great about movies from the Silent Era, he will find a new buddy from the opposite sex who shares his interests. In his mind, it serves you right for not even knowing who Charlie Chaplin was.