I sit on a bar stool next to this man that I adore while we share some good food and have some delicious drinks. The conversation is flowing, and he has me in the palm of his hand. I look him over and think about how I can’t wait to bring him home and feel his silk. His soft skin, his bright smile, and his beautiful energy that lights up not only his face but also this restaurant have me reeling. At this moment, he is incredibly sexy to me, but honestly, it has little to do with his body, which I happen to think is wonderful, but instead, has to do with everything else about him in this moment.

I have met many men who were very attractive looking and sent an immediate thrill of orgasmic energy up my spine just by looking at them, but beyond that initial thrill, these men are not sexy! Nor would I ever agree to jump into any form of sexual relationship with them. I have also known men in my life who are not what would be considered typically attractive but are the sexiest, hottest guys around. These men have me wanting MORE! Lucky for me, the above man was both physically attractive and sexy in all the right ways.

So what makes one man sexy while the other is just some nice “eye candy”? There could be a list a mile long to answer this question, but here are eight consistent things that women report as increasing a man’s “sexy rating.” Outside of attracting women, these are all thing that will help you truly step into your masculine nature.

1. Confidence

A man who is confident in himself, knows who he is and what he wants, and is not afraid to own his desires is one of the sexiest things on Earth to a woman. When a man believes and trusts in himself, it makes it easier for his woman to also believe and trust him. Although, be careful that you have confidence and not arrogance! Confidence doesn’t even need to be spoken—you can simply feel it in a man by the way he stands up straight, makes eye contact, and approaches his daily world.

2. Laughter and Play

A playful man is a man who is to be cherished. We take our lives as adults so seriously, so when a woman finds a man who knows how to be playful and laugh, it is incredibly sexy. For a woman to truly enjoy her orgasmic energy, she needs to fully relax and get out of her head. Laughter and being playful is vital to this process, so having a man who helps us to lighten the mood is instantly attractive.

3. Empathy, Holding Space, and Listening

Women need men who can hold space for them when they are fully in their emotions and who can surf the waves that come from their feminine polarity. A man who can listen to a woman—and truly listen, and not just hear—is a rare and precious man. It is incredibly sexy when a man is empathetic and can hold space for his woman and others. That being said, the key to this being “sexy” is that he is able to feel and acknowledge emotions without jumping too much into the “emotional hole” of the feminine. This is actually a very delicate and difficult balance for a man, but those who have learned to do this are a huge turn on to their woman.

4. Verbal Fucking

This comes in two forms. The first is a sweet, soft verbal lovemaking kind of verbalization. This is when a man lays out how much he loves, adores, and cherishes his woman, both body and soul. Verbal lovemaking turns our hearts orgasmic first and foremost, which alights our very souls. Verbal lovemaking can include some sexual aspects, but overall, it is soft and gentle. The second kind is true verbal fucking. This is when a man gives deep details of what he wants to do with his woman and conversation gets “down and dirty.” Aspects of this type of talk are fantasy, deep erotic talk, and depending on the woman, even some dominance-type verbalizations. What makes this sexy is when there is already trust and connection in the relationship, and the woman can feel free to play along. The sexiest thing in a man is when he knows when to incorporate these little moments without overdoing it.

5. Touches, Kisses, and Hand Holding

A man who knows when and where to incorporate little touches is extremely sexy, especially if he is touching just for the sake of touching without expectations. Getting a soft kiss on the neck, having hand holding initiated, and feeling little touches tell a woman that her man still adores her body. These show a man who is present and mindful.

6. Truthful

A man who is able to be kind yet honest is hot. No one likes to play mind games, so to know that a man is true to his word allows for a deeper relating. This also means that he is able to speak his mind and be truthful about his feelings and desires. Also, he is a man who is true to his word. If you say you are going to call her, then call her! If you aren’t interested, then be kind, but be truthful.

7. Takes Control

A man who takes the confidence mentioned earlier into the bedroom by “taking” his woman is HOT! When a man is direct and takes control in both his life and the bedroom, it allows his woman to surrender into herself. It shows a comfort in his sexuality and himself and a desire to please. So if she is willing, take some control and allow your masculine side roar! This is taken to an even hotter level when a man takes his time and doesn’t rush into sexual and intimate situations but turns up the heat slowly.

8. Intelligence

A man who thinks and can capture a woman with his thoughts definitely adds to his attractive nature. Being able to hold meaningful conversations outside of a football game is essential and shows a woman that there is substance to a man. Personally, I want a man who can make me think and intrigues me in all senses of the word.