I Stopped Chasing After You Because It Became Embarrassing

I stopped texting you first. I stopped inviting you over. I stopped liking your selfies. I stopped following you on social media. I stopped trying to capture your attention.

It took me a while to give up on you, much longer than it should have, because I was stuck on the idea of you. I was convinced we were going to become a couple.

At first, fighting for you felt like the right thing. I thought you would take all of the effort I was putting in as a compliment. I thought it would ultimately lead to us getting together. 

Back then, I thought real relationships took sacrifices. I didn’t realize how one-sided my feelings were. I thought I was supposed to keep texting you, calling you, chasing you. I thought the small amount of attention you gave me was worth bending over backwards for you.

But after a certain amount of time passed, trying to impress you stopped feeling romantic and started feeling pathetic.

I felt like an idiot every time I double texted you and still didn’t get a response. Every time I came across a picture you posted with another girl and had to pretend it didn’t bother me. Every time I forgave you for screwing me over, even though you never even gave me an apology.

I lowered my standards for you. I let you get away with murder, because I didn’t want to admit you were wrong for me. I didn’t want to search for someone else. I only wanted you. 

I kept telling myself that if I gave you enough time, you would change your mind about me. You would stop seeing me as just a friend and would decide to turn me into your girlfriend.

You took my kindness for granted, but instead of seeing the red flags waving in my face and realizing that I deserved better, it only made me try harder. It only made me want your attention more.

It was stupid of me to think you would develop stronger feelings for me after getting more texts from me, after spending more time with me, after sleeping with me. It was stupid of me to think I had a chance with you. 

Now that I can look back on what happened between us, I feel like an idiot for chasing after you for so long when we clearly wanted different things. I wasted so much time on you that I could have spent with someone who loved me back.

I’m embarrassed by how much effort I put into you when you made it clear you weren’t interested in me from the start.

At least you taught me a lesson. In the future, I want someone who makes me feel appreciated for doing the same things I was embarrassed about doing with you. For texting twice in a row. For clearing my schedule. For planning date nights. For thinking about forever.

I want someone who appreciates how much effort I’m willing to put into our relationship — and gives me the same amount in return.