Things You Think About When You’re Making Out With Someone

My brain fell asleep for a second. Oh dear, I think my lips stopped moving too. God, there’s just a lot going on right now. Sometimes I just blackout when I’m kissing someone and come to with their tongue lodged down my throat. It pokes me back to life or something. Does the cheese stand alone in this issue or is it like an actual thing? I need to know.

When is this person’s tongue going to make a cameo? We’ve been kissing like we’re on a teen drama on The CW, which I love, but I’m ready to take it to the next level. Oh, there it is. Annnnnd now it’s gone! It was like a gofer coming out of its hole. It stabbed me and ran away. Come back! I’m going to chase it with my tongue now. Oh no, I just hit their teeth. Ow. I really just screwed that up.

What do I need to do tomorrow? I know I have to fill out my W9, and go fax some stuff. I should probably do some laundry too. I don’t have any clean clothes and its embarrassing. Oh wait, am I still making out with someone? Shoot! This make out session has felt like an Ambien slowly dissolving on tongue. I’m ready for bed. How can I end this? Can I just roll over? Imagine if I was that person. So liberating. No, but seriously, how am I going to get this person off my face and into a cab?

OMG, I love making out. I’m so in sync with this dude, it’s crazy. We’re basically trying to mold our faces into one. “DAMN IT, HOW CAN I FEEL CLOSER TO YOU IN THIS MOMENT? WHAT CAN I DO? Oh, right. There’s always that other thing we could do.”

If you actually think about the act of making out, it’s pretty foul. We feel compelled to kiss each other on the lips and feel each other’s tongues? But why?! It all feels very National Geographic to me. We always “LOL” when we see other species’ mating rituals but I bet that whatever/whoever comes after humans is going to be like “Ewwww!” when they see footage of us kissing. “WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT TO EACH OTHER? IT LOOKS SO SCARY!”

Wow, making out is pretty intimate. And I like how you can add “personal touches” to it, like kissing the side of their lip or nibbling on an ear. You can be sexy or playful, or both. Being playful can be the best though. It can be absolutely delightful. In a lot of ways, I think making out is more intimate than sex. It feels like a purer reflection of someone’s personality, a natural extension of who they are. God, this make out session is good. I feel seriously drugged. You know you’re having a good make out sesh when you feel stoned just off of someone’s lips. When the kissing finally stops, it’s like you immediately get a hangover. The only cure for this is to continue making out until your jaw locks and your face falls off. Only cure.