A Prayer For The Man I Loved And Lost

God,

I’m thinking about him today. Thinking about the way he laughs and the way he smiles. Thinking about how he used to kiss the tears from my cheeks when I was upset, or place his lips gently on my forehead when I was working, as if not to distract me, but let me know he was there. Even though we both knew there was no way I could stay focused after that.

It was always the little things he did that reminded me how love is supposed to be—so pure, so simple, such a reflection of you.

You brought him into my life for a reason, this I’ve never doubted.

I never doubted that he was here to teach me something, to show me how beautiful it can be to connect with another soul, to show me how to let go and let someone in, to show me how to be vulnerable and soft and selfless.

Thank you for him, God.

We parted paths, now traveling in different directions, and I find myself wondering about him today. I find myself thinking of his heart, thinking of his story, thinking of all the ways we’ve grown and changed and shifted from each other.

And I’m not bitter or broken, I just want him to be well.

You’ve blessed me in so many ways; I just want to know that you’re looking out for him, too. That your protective limbs are around his body, that your arms are outstretched and you’re holding him in the palm of your hand.

I want to know that when he prays, you listen. I want to know that when he feels down, you lift him with your positive spirits, show him that on this journey he’s never alone.

God, I want to pray for him. I want to pray for his strength and healing, that he never feels empty, but leans into you when he needs support. I pray that he finds happiness in your light and guidance in your word.

I pray that he chases things and people that bring you glory. I pray that he doesn’t allow himself to be filled by material possessions or that which is superficial, and instead builds his treasures in Heaven.

I pray that his life feels purposeful and directed, that his heart is full, that when troubles come his way he leans into you to get him through. Because you always have, God. And you always will.

I pray that you keep him from harm and that you smile upon him. I pray that you lead him in the direction he is meant to go and help him see how beautiful this life truly is.

I pray that when he falls in love again, it will be all that he’s searching for, and all that you’ve wanted him to find.

See, I don’t know where he is right now. Maybe in another state, getting ready for a game. Maybe clocking into work, running a tired hand through his messy hair. Maybe not that far from me, rolling over in bed to groggily check his alarm. Or maybe so distant that the thought of me no longer crosses his mind.

That’s okay, God.

Some things are just not meant to be, but I just want you to care for him, especially now that I’m gone. Help him know that he is loved—always loved by me, but more importantly, loved by you.

Help him know that your love is everything.

And please be with him as he goes on. He will always hold a special place in my heart, so hopefully you can make room for him in yours.

Amen.