12 Reasons You Shouldn’t Go To Nashville

A recent article by The Hollywood Reporter called “Nashville Confidential: Where A-Listers Eat, Sleep and Stay in Music City,” has many residents up in arms about all the lovely accolades that were being written about them.

The article, which praises the Country Music capitol for the rich cultural scene, delicious food spots, and its ability to have famous celebrities mingle with regular citizens on a daily basis, caused quite the riot in the comment sections. Commenters hurled stereotypes from left to right, threats were made, and even a piece of fried chicken was harmed as these Nashville residents did everything they could to tell the world: YOU ARE NOT WELCOME.

Below are some reasons from commenters on why you should never, ever visit Nashville for any reason.

Especially if you’re from L.A.

1. Nashville is not into supporting tourism. The food is bad. The locals are bad. And the city is bad.

“The city is in shambles. The food is awful. The locals are extremely aggressive and uncultured. It is a cesspool of hayseed rubes who will stop at nothing to ruin your trip with their flatulence and poor personal hygiene. Do not come here.” – Nashvillesux

2. Nashville is a meth ridden city that has no running water, lacks shoes, and denim overalls are so haute. Also, banjo duels are plenty.

“Our city is terrible. No running water, lack of shoes, denim overalls, dueling banjos can always be heard in the distance, and dental work is something that doesn’t exist due to the absurd amount of meth consumed everywhere. Do not come here.” – Nashvulle

3. Nashville only has one road, one light, and one restaurant.

“Lies, lies, lies. We have one paved road, one stop light, one cracker barrel for good country fixins, and I still watch hee-haw and sleep on a hay bale. Y’all won’t like it here. Don’t come.” – Ohnojoe

4. Nashville is home of the Bermuda triangle AND there is an underground alien community that is planning world dominations.

“It is particularly important that you avoid East Nashville. It is the Bermuda Triangle of zip codes, people go in and are never seen or heard from again. There are rumors of an underground alien enclave who are working towards world domination via the continued watering down of the country music genre. Stephen King refuses to come anywhere near the place. Five Points is a mirage. You have been warned.” – keeBelle

5. Nashville is nothing like the show Nashville. Also, Jack White isn’t real.

“Every venue that you’ve seen on ‘Nashville, The Show’ was fabricated for filming. I recently visited and attempted to track down those locations with my family. The Bluebird? Never found it. The 5 Spot? Actually an Exxon station. Two Old Hippies or whatever it is? Ok, that’s in the Gulch, but who would ever want to go there? We also tried to find Connie Britton at Tootsies at 2:00 PM on a weekday for a beer, and she was nowhere to be found!

“After the futile attempt to enjoy the Nashville we saw on television, we decided instead to check out the tourist district. A homeless person urinated on my wife and the lot of us came down with dysentery.

“On top of it all, it turns out Jack White is actually an animatronic creation that travels on a track system from Printer’s Alley down to the end of 2nd Ave. every 3 hours.”

“I will never visit Nashville again. We will continue going to Branson.” – NashvilleGaveUsDysentery

6. Austin and Las Vegas are better than Nashville. Everything there is bad, bad, bad.

“There is nothing to see in here, please move along. There’s much more to do in Austin, or you can always do Vegas. Nashville is full, please don’t come here. It’s filthy and the food is terrible. No good night life. Absolutely no good people either. ;)” – Leavenashvillealone

7. Nashville has a hillbilly mob that roams the streets, attacking tourist. And when you seek medical care, the nurses will attack you as well if you’re from Los Angeles.

“I am lucky to be alive right now. I visited Nashville last year and was attacked by a mob of gun toting
hillbillies dressed in overalls. I went to the local hospital (there is only one hospital mind you) and was attacked again by the nurses when I told them I was from LA. Never again.” – Mr. Saturday Night

8. Nashville is a black hole for dogs, and your car will never be safe, ever.

“I only live here because I have to. My car has been broken into 47 times and I’ve lost 4 dogs. Don’t come here.” – MusicCityBlues

9. Nashville is home of mosquito’s that can read and write. Also, Nashville mosquitos hate ‘ooo la la lady perfume,’ but currently have no problems with ‘ooo la la’ perfume for men.

“If we get a whiff of ooo la la lady perfume, we use force. It’s a sad, grimy place where the Mosquitos are as big as your thumb. In fact, Mosquitos wrote this article. You’ve been warned. Y’all are better off in New Orleans. Or just staying in Cali.” – Mos Keeto

10. Hot chicken is the weapon of choice on the streets.

“This place is terrible. Someone threw a piece of hot chicken at my face and now I have to wear an eyepatch.” – Guest

11. Nashville treats out-of-state traffic offenders like characters in Game of Thrones.

“It’s not so much that nashville is full of illiterate hillbillies displaying tell tale signs of chromosomal dismay. It’s that we just don’t like you. You don’t want to be here. There’s no In n Out Burger. there’s no place to plug in your electric car. Smart phones don’t work here. And there’s also a referendum on the books to start executing out of state traffic offenders, and then hang their bodies from poles on I-40 coming into town like some scene from Game of Thrones. (only the bodies are clad in Ed Hardy, and Affliction wear).” – Buford T. Pusser IV

12. Nashville has a gate around it. The city is at capacity. No you may not apply.

“Unfortunately, we are full. Sorry. We closed the gates yesterday.” – Kayla TC mark

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image – Brent Moore

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  • Thought Catalog

    Reblogged this on Big Blue Dot Y'all and commented:
    I am a proud member of the famed “hillbilly mob.” You’ve been warned.

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