None of us are created to be perfect. While born ontologically good, we as infants are innocent of mistake…until we grow and develop the ability to make decisions. Yes, sometimes we make the wrong ones. Perhaps not intentionally, but we do seldom; out of clouded judgment and temporary emotions.
But then sometimes, there is no “right” or “wrong” path. Sometimes, those who wander aren’t lost and will eventually find themselves along the way. Maybe you haven’t yet discovered the right job, career, partner, or any or all of those things. Maybe you are meant to explore every single option to test what works for you and what doesn’t.
Maybe you need to experience, feel and deconstruct; in order to breathe, live and experiment with consequences.
Perhaps your unemployment is an opportunity to utilize your savings to travel, start a business or pen a best-selling novel that rivals the literature of J.K. Rowling. Perhaps your chronic singlehood is a chance to date around and have fun, while simultaneously sampling a plethora of potential romances. Perhaps the universe is saving you from what you want for something even better than what you imagined, so you have to wet through the precipitation before you see the rainbow.
Yes, we need to keep telling ourselves that. We need to have faith.
The pain you’re struggling with now is just one aspect of your life, not all of it.
However, for some, it isn’t so easy to keep optimistic. The reality is that while no life is without flaw or trauma, there are some who were conceived and are now products of illness, abuse or other devastating circumstances. In contrast, there are others who happen to be born into nepotism, affluence, popularity, conventional attractiveness and just seemingly sheer luck.
While we shouldn’t behave like victims and blame everyone or everything around us for where we stand, it’s true that things like who you know, how many friends you have, what you naturally look like and how much money you’re connected with…can all significantly affect our quality of life. While those who are wealthy and genetically blessed with fast metabolisms, symmetrical faces and healthy bodies possess issues of their own, they would also need to admit they do uphold some advantages over those who may not be as fortunate.
Some believe in karma; others believe that a situation continues to occur until you learn your lesson. Positive thinking aside, being born in a third world country or with a medical condition is beyond our control.
So what happens to those who may need to try more than the typical or privileged individual? Maybe they aren’t in debt or dire situations; but it took them months or years to find work, they’re still not in their careers, or they have a few select friends but never been with a significant other. Well, the answer to that is they have a lot of “almosts”.
Almost relationships, almost long-term friends, almost jobs, almost programs, almost long term friends…never really settling.
But it’s not for a lack of trying. Yes, sometimes that’s because of our own choices. You may have rejected a guy for a superficial reason, such as him being shorter than you. You may have dropped out of a few programs, because you wouldn’t be able to go from placement to placement without proceeding in trial and error to see what you’re good at. And with a record of hopping from job to boy to friend, you may notice the common denominator of all of these inconsistencies is you.
Yes, maybe you are part of the problem in all of this. Maybe you do need to take accountability for false logic. But, your feelings are valid and shouldn’t be minimized. Sometimes, your head doesn’t always know what’s right for you. But your heart does. Sure, you can’t just quit any job and find one right away; if you’re solely surviving on your own income. Sure, you shouldn’t turn down a guy; just because he isn’t a lawyer or a doctor. But sometimes, life gets in the way.
You can’t hold down or keep a job for more than a few months; because you have a mental illness, cognitive disability or medical condition that impedes you from performing successfully on a steady basis. Perhaps self-employment or creative ventures are better-suited routes for you. Perhaps you haven’t found the right guy; because every guy you’ve met, you just haven’t been physically attracted to you or they didn’t treat you right. Do you attract the wrong guys? Maybe.
But I believe that if you just be yourself, then you’ll attract the right ones…for you.
Perhaps the issue isn’t getting employers or people interested, but the prospect of settling. It’s crucial to build a foundation, but you need to live life in order to know if you’re stuck in a rut. You want to be consistent, but still gradually progress from one point to another. This means you don’t want to settle. This means you make mistakes, and you learn from them. And sometimes, you’re the one getting rejected.
You apply and apply for jobs, but rarely make it past the interview stage. You date and see a many, but those you are interested in don’t share a mutual liking to you.
This is life. It happens.
To each, his or her own. But to those who are “almosts” or have many, don’t give up. Your almosts are practices, bringing you that much closer to what you may not know you want.