Going Commando: The Only Way To Live

I have a confession. I don’t wear underwear. I’m a 23 year old male who wears suits or slacks five days a week, and I never wear anything underneath ‘em. I’m here today, foremost, to champion this cause, to let every male out there know that you don’t have to go on wearing cotton under-things that hug too tight or persistently wedge in your crack. I’m here today to proclaim that I won’t idly stand by any longer, hearing folks bash my beloved passion for a more freeing fashion.

There are some of you out there who like to make snide comments, suggest vicious preconceived notions about what must be happening in or around my trousers, and I am here to speak out and stop that. Perhaps after today, history will view me as the vanguard of men everywhere enjoying a nice breeze as it passes through our legs, or perhaps after today, my office will find out about this and suggest I take an absence of the more permanent kind. But regardless of what occurs, I will say the truth and nothing but the truth so help me god. That truth being I don’t wear underwear and nothing will make me go back. Nothing.?

It all started a few years ago, I was beginning to date a young woman and as one might imagine, I became acquainted with what her personal choice of under things tended to be; that choice being a whole lot of nothing. Being the curious man I am, I inquired about her constant lack of underwear when the time seemed right. She informed me that yes, indeed, she had not been wearing underwear for a few years and that she was never going back. ?

“WHAT? HOW?” I asked her, “I could never do such a thing. What about cleanliness? Won’t I sweat more? And what about support, won’t I miss the gentle “cradle of cotton” provided for me since birth?” Well, she knew little about this gentle cradling of jewels that went on inside men’s pants but she said that it’s much more comfortable, that things fit a little better, and this way she can save on buying lingerie or replacing underwear. I marveled at her rejection of modern society. I mean, I had always grown up knowing that men similar to me (such as Jay-Z) always prefer their women in “no panties and jeans, that’s so necessary,” but I hadn’t really encountered any who had taken Jigga Man’s gospel to heart. ?

Well, it is safe to say that I had to try this for myself, and, slowly, I did. At first, I just wouldn’t wear underwear with my tight skinny jeans because that made the most logical sense. I worried about my lack of support in some of my looser fitting slacks, but months came and went and I am here to tell you that today, I no longer find it necessary at all to wear them. There is one exception, as there always is, and that’s when I’m exercising. Whether I’m at yoga or outside for a jog, I know it’s for the best that I wear them. But other than that, I happily wake up in the morning and slip on pants-not-undies after my shower. ?

Let me clear the air here for those of you who are wondering what it’s like after a hard day’s work and I’ve gone commando: it’s great. I am pretty sure I sweat and smell less than my under-wearing counterparts. And why wouldn’t I? There is less fabric wrapped around my junk and thus more space for me to, well, vent. Now I wouldn’t recommend this style if you don’t wash regularly but then again I wouldn’t really recommend washing irregularly to begin with. You know what? Consider me a champion of that cause, too. Please everyone, wash yourself. ?

There are other benefits besides it being a more hygienically sound, less sweat-filled lifestyle. How about the fact that I have one less layer to complicate matters when someone decides to passionately engage with me in the art of undressing? No more underwear around the ankles, or frantic moments getting everything off. Just a quick fasten of my belt and button on my pants and boom, birthday suit. ? Think of all the money I save not buying new underwear. How often do you buy new underwear? You probably don’t do it enough and with my way of living, you never have to worry again about budgeting for underwear or stains you may or may not have left behind. I don’t even know how much money people spend, or how often people do buy underwear. I can’t fathom it. It’s one less thing I have had to worry about and if you’re a worrier like me, that is a blessing. Am I still debating whether or not I used the appropriate tone of voice in that text I sent to the girl I like? UH YEAH, I’m going to worry about that until she’s my wife. But I won’t be worrying about whether or not I can afford to purchase new underwear this month. Peace of mind, people. ?

Now there are drawbacks. I don’t know how this works for girls but if you’re a guy you need to shake “it” a little more when you’re done peeing – PARTICULARLY if you’re wearing slacks that are going to show a small dribble of moisture. It’s embarrassing for all of us when we have to walk around looking like we pissed ourselves but it’s especially bad when yeah, you did piss yourself a bit. ?

Also, I can’t be too sure but I swear I put crotch holes in my jeans FASTER without wearing underwear which is really a two-part problem. Part 1: Fuck, good jeans can be expensive and waking up one day with a quarter sized hole in your crotch is frustrating. Part 2: You can’t really wear anything that has a hole in your butt / crotch area without putting on a fleshy show for everyone. I was once accidentally this guy. Don’t be this guy. No one wants a surprise glimpse of your balls. Now maybe later in the conversation, she or he may decide that yes, your balls are worth seeing. But it’s not like showing a little more shoulder; no one is trying to see just a little more ball. No one. ?

Anyhow, this is the end of my declaration. Men, you should give it a try. For too long has Calvin Klein abused our self esteem with his beautiful male models clad only in those tight briefs; for too long have you felt it bunch up your crack and worried if you’re in safe company to pull it out; for too long have we had to even ask ourselves the question “Boxers or Briefs” and wonder what it means about who we are as men. I’m telling you. It’s not boxers. It’s not briefs. It’s bare, baby. Bare. ?TC mark



image – Craig Hunter

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  • Anonymous

    Yikes. Be careful of the zipper.

  • guest

    LOL

  • Ed Aldrich

    I’m pretty sure this is illegal.

  • EAZ

    I’ve tried this before.  What do you do when you get…. excited???

    • http://twitter.com/iamtheboyking The Boy King

      Yeah, no doubt this is one of the more precocious times when going commando. If you’re wearing jeans, you can probably get away with it. But I’ve been in a bar when I’m wearing suit pants and it’s something you just have to hide.  Think about baseball or grandma or whatever it is you use as your default “no-boner-no” thoughts and pray, my friend. 

      • http://twitter.com/joseflanders Rob

        Wait, that stuff doesn’t actually work though, right?  What defense can “Grandma” possibly hope to provide when combating boner-causing stimuli?

  • http://twitter.com/joseflanders Rob

    Underwear is cool. Sorry, Trey.

  • http://twitter.com/joseflanders Rob

    Yeah, the boner-chafing issue goes pretty unresolved in this article.  

  • Bealtaine

    mmm maybe it’s ok for guys but for girls less so.I mean where is the pad supposed to go when it’s that time of month? 

    • Kesh

      Tampons?

      • guest

        Diva cup 

      • LP

        I accidentally saw a tumblr post on my dash yesterday of someone who took photos of emptying their diva cup. I’m forever disgusted by them now and want to throw up at the mention. 

    • Guest

      You wear underwear for one week of the month.

    • Anonymous

      I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve worn a pad since I was in the 7th grade. 

  • Seikel

    I’ve not worn undies since my parents stopped buying them for me. 

  • Anonymous

    Surely you just have a hell of a lot more laundry.  False economy.

  • Kesh

    LOL. I’d like something like this on how it works for women. Just curious. For a friend of course. 

    • NICOLE

      I don’t unless I’m wearing a dress, if I have my period, or if I feel like not wearing pants around my house. I don’t ever have problems with this. 

  • Nicki

    Yo,Trey? Do you think you could buy me a bottle of rosay?

    • Maximilian Schmitz

      Rose, dick.

      • Trebuchet

        Rosé, cock.

  • Li

    I’m a girl and haven’t been wearing underwear for years unless I’m wearing a dress or skirt. I can’t possibly imagine wearing underwear with pants ever again. Panty-less for life!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=503694434 Trevor Counceller

    On washing irregularly: I’ll admit it. I don’t wash my clothes in between each use. And you know what? Wearing underwear — boxers and/or undershirt — allows me to do that. Provided it isn’t broiling outside, the vast majority of the sweat ends up in the underwear instead of the nicer looking and much more expensive outerwear. I’ll gladly replace a few $5 boxers in lieu of regularly washing/shrinking/fading a nice pair of pants. Same thing for the upper half.

    As for the pre-mature wear on your jeans: just a guess, but it may be due to your semi-moist skin rubbing on the fabric and causing it to pill (you know, those annoying little balls of fluff that ruin your favorite sweater!) The tighter the fit the more quickly this will happen.

    Last and by far the most important… I second AaronWB.

    PS. @ThoughtCatalog/Trey/Webmaster: What’s with the inability to delete comments? Didn’t expect linking to Facebook to automatically post my first & last name and throw a link in for kicks.

  • GUEST

    I personally think that it depends on how endowed you are.
    If you’re pretty well-endowed, then I think that wearing underwear is the way to go, unless you just want to show off your junk.
    If you’re not so well-endowed, then not wearing underwear could work for you…
    BUT…
    the summer heat in NYC makes it almost impossible for you to not have sweat stains on your bum, when going commando. 
    Just imagine running to the train…finally getting on the train…sitting down, on the train…then getting up only to find that not only is there a wet spot in your seat, but also a wet spot on the back of your pants.

    Not cute.

    I think the solution here is just for someone to come up with a super duper thin, stretchy cotton pair of underwear for men.

    This way, your junk isn’t all squished up and you still have something to absorb the moisture on those hot, humid days….

    • http://twitter.com/iamtheboyking The Boy King

      The sweaty bum thing has been a problem for me once or twice,  so thank you for reminding me of that. I will have to think of solutions to avoiding this plight.

      Also I don’t think the size of your manhood is really a variable in this great underwear equation. If it’s gigantic, it’s gigantic regardless of your underwear right? And either way, it’s more or less going to hang how it wants -especially if you’re wearing briefs or boxers. I guess if you were wearing something really tight then you could essentially coerce it into a certain spot, but by would you want to coil it up to begin with? It’s way more comfortable just letting it be. 

      But you do have to be careful! I have a gold tuxedo and the pants are a little tight in the crotch and well, sometimes it can be a tad revealing. Can’t win em all. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VYDVROKY4PUBOKUHB3QF42FH2Y Paul S

    Your balls are gonna hang down to your knees before you’re 40!

    • http://twitter.com/iamtheboyking The Boy King

      Do you think? This would be something that could change my mind. Is underwear comparable to bras when it comes to keeping the elasticity of your flesh, elastic? I don’t know. 

      • I. Shaikh

        Breast & Testicles do not require any support, both will sag with age 

    • Emi

      My boyfriend has not worn underwear for the last eight years. He is 28 now. His balls are super saggy, I always wondered if this was the reason why..

    • I. Shaikh

      No way

  • Dduvin

    Funny!

  • I. Shaikh

    Yes there is no need to wear underwear unless you are engaged in exercise, weight lifting or any other strenuous  physical activity. I am 37 and I have stopped wearing underwear for more than 5 to 6 years. I do not have saggy testicles, testicles actually do not require any support, and obviously they will sag with age as in the case of breast in ladies

    So it is good to be without underwear, better air ventilation, comfort and good sperm production as well 

  • Going Commando

    Yes I have been doing so for the past 18 years its so much more comfortable!

    • Ruebin

      My wife has not worn underwear since she was a teenager.   I gave up wearing to please her.   Just before we married, she shaved me and asked if I’d agree to nothing under including hair.
      I said, “I do.”  It’s been ten years and no changes. 

      There are no hygiene issues on either end.  Several doctors have examined me this way and never said a word of caution.

  • Sarah

    Trey Salm is a misogynistic, asshole. No one gives a fuck that you don’t wear underwear.  

    • Aaron

      ^ panties in a bunch (get it!? do you get it!?)

    • Owl

      Sick coo-hoo-hoo-omment Sarah! No one gives a fuck about you, hoo hoo!

    • Kony

      What you Ghana do about it Sarah?

    • No one

      Hey Sarah, I give a fuck.

    • Frog

      Sarah I will take your clitoris and ribbit right off!!!

    • Colored Pencil

      Really nice comma in between “misogynistic” and “asshole”! You must be really smart!

    • The Fire God's

      Not wearing underwear could be a decision that saves your life. Just think what would happen if you were to spontaneously combust. Taking off unnecessary underwear could cost you valuable seconds while your life is on the line. Think about it. Just a hint ;)

      • Ana

        Trey you are my soulmate. free is the way to be.

  • http://twitter.com/rosadona rosemary donahue (@rosadona)

    The creepiest way I’ve ever asked someone out on a date as follows: Let’s go on a date with the money we both save by being firm believers in not wearing underwear.

  • Teddie

    I have not worn underwear for almost 25 years. There isn’t a medical ‘reason’ to wear them; it’s simply a person’s choice.

    For those who knock the choice to not wear underwear, try it. If you don’t like it, go about your business and no one will criticize you. But for those of you who try being bare down there and like it, welcome to the group!

  • Jeff

    Several year ago, when my son started college, I discovered the commando style. I found it to be so comfortable I do it whenever I can. I wear baggy shorts when I go commando to keep it a secret. I still wear underwear at work and when I go to social events. My wife isn’t big on me doing this but I try and get it by her every once in awhile. To help the comfort I have manscaped which adds and additional comfort level.

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