How To Drink In Your Dorm Without Getting Caught

Undeclared
Undeclared

It’s been a few years since I drank in the dorms or “Dorm Stormed” as we called it. However, in my two years in the dorms I only received one citation, and that was when I got a noise document for spreading Christmas cheer right before Thanksgiving break my freshman year.  To be fair it was around 1:30am in the morning, so I probably deserved it.  The great part was minutes later when I went to my friend’s dorm room down the hall to tell them about The Grinch writing me up when the same RAs actually came and knocked on his door as well.  I would have been written up twice within the hour, but luckily as they opened the door and walked in to get people’s student ids, I just stood behind the door and they never saw me.  They would make for terrible police officers.  What’s that? You’re not smoking meth? That’s just a really tiny, smoky vase that you have there? Alright sounds good.  You be careful out there, and you should probably see a dentist to get those teeth checked out.  Anyways the point is I never got caught with alcohol in the dorms, so here are some tips to keep in mind and keep you out of those alcohol classes:

1. Hiding your alcohol from the parking lot to your room  

After you’ve convinced a most likely socially awkward older person to buy you booze, you’re just a few hallways away from the safety of your dorm room.  You’ll have to sneak it in past the hall director’s desk probably so you’ll have to conceal it.  Some of the more conventional methods include putting the alcohol in your purse if you’re a lady or your backpack, because you are in college after all.  One of the more non-conventional methods that I’ve witnessed was putting beer into an old school filing box, because it’s perfect for fitting a 30 pack of Busch Light.  If he ever got questioned by an RA, he just told them that he had some documents that he was going over.  Our security was slightly slack though, so I would recommend the backpack idea as the safest method.

2. Have a concealed drink

If you don’t have anything to conceal your drink, have a place ready to hide it from view within 5 or 6 seconds.  We used to pour vodka into water bottles, and as long as they didn’t smell it you were in the vodka clear.  Here’s a quick YouTube video on one of the more elaborate but clever ways you could hide your beer can.

3. Get to know your Residential Advisors

This is arguably the greatest piece of advice I can give you.  Some RAs are just complete power tripping dicks, but if you’re lucky you’ll get some that are just in it for the free room to themselves.  Befriend these people or at least try to be friendly towards them, because they’ll save you many times.  We were lucky enough to have the same RA two years in a row, and he would text us minutes before going on rounds, so we’d keep it down for five minutes as they made the sweep.

4. Drink during odd hours

RAs won’t be looking to bust parties as easily during the week so if you and a few other friends have a slack schedule on Thursdays, drink on Wednesday night.  Just call it “Wacky Wednesday” or something so it seems like more of a thing.

5. Keep your woofers turned down

Bass seems to carry more strongly than anything else in the dorms.  I lived on the 4th floor and when one of my fellow dorm mates turned his subwoofers all the way up I could hear them from the bottom of the stairwell.  Having a little bit of music playing is definitely alright, because it actually covers up some of the voices and clinking noises, but make sure people aren’t trying to talk over it.  

6. Don’t drink with too many super drunk chicks

Now this one may be a little controversial, but hear me out.  Now while I’ll agree the party will definitely not be as much fun without a bunch of beautiful women, there’s a certain kind of super drunk girl’s voice that echoes through dorm room doors and out into the hallways.  If you get more than four girls in your tiny dorm room, there’s a chance they’re going to start gabbing like gals and will no doubt at some point start yelling “let’s do some shots!”  Also, if four girls walk out of a dorm room at once going to the bathroom and an RA walks by they’re going to be suspicious.  A lot of girls can handle it though so just chose your dorm storming partners wisely because often times it’s the dudes who will be out of control.  Just remember that the more you trust your RA, the more drunk ladies you can add to your room.  It’s science.

7. Have something going on your television that would be on even if you weren’t drinking. 

It’s always a good idea to have a sporting event going on in the background if you’re playing music, because it looks a little less suspicious than everyone sitting in a circle crammed in your dorm just listening to music.  You could play a video game to pass the time while some music is playing to avoid suspicion, or even better play a drinking game associated with a video game.  We played a lot of Mario Kart 64 even though the gaming system was already 10 years old by that point.  You can check out an article for the drinking rules for that in a previous article I wrote here.

8. Have code names for certain drinking words.  

When you’re drinking in a dorm room, your options are kind of limited on what games you can play.  Your best bet is probably going to be a card game of some kind and in card games you often have to give out drinks to people.  So instead of saying Marty you have 4 drinks, replace the word drink with a different word like potato for example.  So instead of telling Marty he has 4 drinks, he will now have 4 potatoes.  If a RA overhears that conversation walking by, they’ll probably think you’re insane and won’t even bother knocking on your door.

Alright I think that’s a good start to keeping you from getting caught drinking in the dorms.  If you’ve got some more tips or dorm storm stories share them in the comments below.  Just remember with winter coming in hot, staying in the dorms is going to be more and more appealing so remember these simple guidelines.  Happy Dorm Storming! TC mark

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