250 People Reveal The Lesson They Learned After A Failed Relationship

We asked, and you guys answered! Below are the best responses.

46.
“Age is not an indication of maturity. A man can be in his 40’s and still behave like a teenage boy. It’s about how willing they are to make changes and step up to challenges. I have friends in their 30’s or 20’s more mature than this guy. It isn’t in how great they initially are already. Don’t bank on that. It’s on how open they are to change and stepping up to responsibility. Also, if you catch him lying about important things thrice. Different important things. Once is forgivable. Twice can be considered, but three major lies indicate something really wrong with this person and his lack of respect for you as a human being.”

47.
“Don’t ignore the red flags. Don’t ignore those quiet, subtle thoughts that you have in the beginning that it’s not going to work. Pay very close attention to a person’s choices that they’ve made. People show you the person that they want you to see and hide what they don’t want you to see. It can be years before you fully know someone, and then it may be too late to get out. So, trust your intuition. Pay attention to those thoughts that pop up from your subconscious. Those red flags are moments when they’re giving you an accidental glimpse of who they really are. The choices that they’ve made prior to you are the choices that they’ll make with you. Biggest warning sign of all is to watch out for the perpetual victim. That person who has one story after another of things that happened to them and they are the victim of someone else’s actions. They will continue that with you. Nothing is ever because they made a bad choice. Nothing is ever their fault. They take responsibility for nothing. You will be one more person that abused them in some way as they are crying about it to someone new.”

48.
“The importance of fighting fair. When you’re angry and just saying anything you can to hurt the other person, whether it’s true or not-that’s not fighting fair. You can never take back the things you say in those moments and the other person can never forget them. My husband and I fight plenty, but even when I am at my angriest with him, I don’t fight dirty and I never say something just to hurt him. An argument should still be productive.”

49.
“It’s important not to get TOO wrapped up in your emotions. Love and attraction are important, but you have to be realistic, too-if you each want completely different things, that’s probably not going to be the best fit. Be able to recognize that you can love someone and they can love you back and you can still be wrong for each other.”

50.
“1. Never expect the same kind of love you give in return…you’ll end up focused on the ideal relationship you want…which ain’t gonna happen.
2. Trusts vs. mistrust. If you can’t, he can’t, either. Be open and vocal.
3. If it changes you, you’re either fooled or prioritized.
4. Being loved twice as much you love them is way better.
5. Accept pain if it breaks you.
6. Stay strong.
7. Karma hits hard. Let them have a taste of their own medicine.”

51.
“Relationships are work, but after being in a good relationship v. a bad one, I’ve learned that while the work can be hard, it shouldn’t make you miserable.

The work should feel rewarding and not make you stressed beyond belief.

I hate that saying that the more you suffer for a relationship, the stronger it is. No. That’s bull. The right person won’t make you suffer.”

52.
“That until love is tested by trying times you will not really know who loves truly. Wait till adversity comes; it’s easy to love when it’s all rosy!”

53.
“I guess I could sum it all up to patience. I was too impatient with myself that it caused me to question my self-worth and made me dive into a relationship I wasn’t ready for. I was too impatient with others that I assumed that we were going somewhere, but I was wrong…I was too impatient with everything that it caused me to be frustrated with how things were going in my life…I guess with time, I’ve learned to be more patient with myself and understand my value as a woman. I’ve learned to be patient with others in understanding their true intentions, and more importantly, I’ve learned to be patient with God’s plans for me, because I know what He has planned is waaaaay better than what I have planned for myself.”

54.
“That it is true, you accept the love you think you deserve. When you realize you deserve better, it kind of smacks you in the face. I didn’t equate the disrespect I was used to receiving as anything but being ‘pushed to be better.’ These days, I am pushed to be better by someone who shows their love and support for who I already am as well as who I want to become. I know now that I deserve a great love, and I found it.”

55.
“Don’t stay just because you’re afraid of what others think. Don’t see leaving as failure. Knowing yourself well enough to know when something isn’t healthy for you anymore is a great accomplishment. Chances are that your friends and family are waiting for you to leave anyway and are prepared to jump to help you.”

56.
“If they’re willing to run at the first sign of trouble rather than work through it, walk away.

As soon as you become an option, walk away.

If they’re not willing to ‘Love’ all of you (the good and the bad), walk away.

There will be someone who will love ALL of you including, your flaws all the way down to your core.

Forgive those who have hurt you, as peace of mind heals the soul.”

57.
“Love with your heart. Not with your whole heart, though, leave some for you.

Don’t regret. Learn and move forward.
The flaws will appear in time. Don’t force yourself to accept the flaws of your relationship because it will eventually break you.

If it’s over, it’s over.

Don’t fall in love right away. Heal and grow.

Ask all the questions in the beginning to save yourself from a possible heartache in the long run.

Give space, but talk things out with your partner.”

58.
“That there’s no one that really got away. No, they did not get away but it was a choice of either you or the other person. Two separate ways. Because if you guys are really meant to be, no matter how long or short the relationship is, you will always find ways to stay.”

59.
“Always give the benefit of the doubt. Just because you’re married does not mean you can treat your spouse any way you please. A desperate needy woman is very unattractive. You will be OK. Hating that person only chains you to him/ her, forgive and you will be free, not because that person deserves it but to set yourself free.”

60.
“That you cannot allow yourself to be in a relationship with some unfinished issues with yourself. It is really important that you have to know yourself in every aspect so that you will know exactly what you really want. The other one is be in a relationship because you really want to be with that person and not just because you just want some company. It’s truly unfair for the both of you being stuck in a relationship just for the sake of being in.”

Thought Catalog

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Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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