250 People Reveal The Lesson They Learned After A Failed Relationship

We asked, and you guys answered! Below are the best responses.

16.
“The relationship with my ex-wife ended 25 years ago but we have a son together. I’ve cut her out of my life and only have a relationship with my son. She continues to manipulate every situation. Hard to move on when she still needs to control everything.”

17.
“When they start trying to change you or quiet your voice, let them go. Fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you think love is hard. True love should be as natural as breathing. Don’t ignore your instincts. Be with someone who values you completely…and who sees you the way you’ve always wanted to see yourself. Someone who would never intentionally hurt you verbally, emotionally, or physically. Someone who can apologize sincerely. Someone who is all in…your teammate, your partner in life…they don’t make you work for or prove your value to them or your relationship. Someone who makes your relationship their priority.”

18.
“Have your own life. Make yourself happy. Don’t rely on someone to make you happy. Enjoy spending time with yourself. Have self-fulfillment.”

19.
“With any relationship problem, there are three sides to it: his (or hers), hers (or his), and the objective reality. I have seen way too many promising relationships being abandoned prematurely because one or both of them are unwilling to consider the objective reality owing to the reinforcement of their own negative delusions. Everyone thinks they are right and what suffers is something beautiful together that could have been.”

20.
“God has better plans than I thought I already had for myself. And wait for God’s perfect timing. Stop putting everything on a hurry. Know your worth.”

21.
“Once consistency stops and distance starts, it’s time to stop lying to yourself and leave. Stop making excuses for him. Because there will be a time where all you find yourself doing is giving. And that feeling of being empty comes into play. Almost like you are being robbed of life. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Because it’s so much worse being with someone and STILL feeling alone.”

22.
“Be happy
Be positive
Never regret meet anyone coz each of them teaches you something
Forgive and forget
Don’t ruin your self-worth just because you trust.
Don’t be a cheater just because your ex didn’t appreciate your loyalty
Appreciate everything
Try to let it go. You deserve to be happy
Learn from the positive one leave the negative one
Love yourself before you love someone else
Stop judging yourself
Get a life!
Last but not least.
Be beautiful. Be rich. Be you. Be a Queen.”

23.
“Forgive and move forward. Don’t chase. The only things that can change a person’s stance/perspective on a failed relationship are time and experience. People, once removed from a situation, can better evaluate their own mistakes, find solutions, and come to less-clouded decisions. It’s cliche as all hell, but ‘if you love someone set them free, if they cone back it was meant to be’-just remember it goes both ways; love yourself enough to set yourself free, also.”

24.
“Be brave enough not to sacrifice self-respect.
Never expect from broken promises.
Continue living up with your dreams no matter how broken or how devastated you are.
Don’t ignore the red flags that consistently show up.”

25.
“Don’t EVER disregard red flags. Never settle for less than what you deserve. Be firm, know your worth. Never lower your standards. Be strong enough to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. You could bend for them, but don’t ever break the rules you’ve set to protect yourself. Be wise, every single time. Some men are manipulative and love to play the victim. Show them that shit doesn’t get to you. If they’re guilt-tripping you, be rad enough to point out their shits. Don’t be afraid to backfire. Like when they say, ‘Okay so I am not doing enough then.’ Oh yes lazy-ass! Your words mean nothing when your actions tell otherwise! ‘Don’t worry, I’m used to being dumped.’ Why the hell don’t you change your ways then?

Don’t.baby.them. Be fierce, girl.”

26.
“I always tell myself there’s no such thing as a failed relationship…it’s just two people whose paths were only meant to cross for a little while.”

27.
“Always go with your instinct if someone doesn’t feel right for you…and walk away rather than settle or expect them to change…whether they change or not is out of your control!…and ALWAYS learn something about yourself from that experience to inform yourself in the next one!”

28.
“I’ve learned that it’s not easy to handle the pain….Really, very painful. If I get a chance to bring back the past, I wish I didn’t meet that person.”

29.
“I am a hard-headed strong woman and I deserve someone who accepts that and does not expect me to change. I deserve someone who has my best interests in mind and understands that my dreams comes before anybody else. I deserve someone who loves me so deeply that my cheeks hurt from smiling too much and that learns my way of returning love. Without all of the failed relationships I would not have learned any of this.

Heartbreak sucks, but without pain we could never appreciate the good. I do not regret a single relationship I had or how it turned out; every end and bad situation just makes me more ready for when I find the ‘one.’ I have gained insights and friendships I could have never imagined and I have grown to be more myself at every end. So here is to you, relationships of my past; without you I would not be me.”

30.
“People come and go. You don’t get to choose who will stay. A nine-year relationship ended over a month-old ‘not so good kind’ of friendship. When it’s time to choose, guess who did he let go.”

Thought Catalog

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Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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