1. You have a deep, looming fear that on graduation day, you’ll be told you can’t walk, because you blatantly don’t have enough credits to warrant a diploma.
2. …And for that very reason, you have a serious aversion to seeing your advisor. You’re genuinely terrified they’ll look at your evaluation and be like, “Dude…you’re still a freshman.”
3. You’re like…very concerned your vocabulary is not conducive to adulthood. Will “basic bitch” be useful slang in the real world?
4. You’re quietly convinced that your degree is absolutely worthless because every job application calls for SEVERAL YEARS of relevant experience?????
5. Despite the fact that you’re SUPER sure you’re done with school/homework, in your darkest hours, when you’re convinced you’ll never find a job, you whisper to yourself, “…Should I just go to law school?”
6. You’re super overwhelmed by the volume of real world skills you definitely lack. Like filing taxes, for example. How the fuck does one file one’s taxes?
7. You low-key have no idea what a “line of credit” is. You high-key have no idea how to “establish” one.
8. You’re clueless re: insurance. What exactly will you have to…“insure”? And when will your parents stop doing it for you?
9. Speaking of your parents, you’ve passionately avoided confronting them about this whole “financial independence” thing. Like…when will it happen? How serious will it be? When you inevitably blow your first paycheck on tequila and übers, will they have your back?
10. You’re grappling with the idea that you can’t just like…skip work. Unlike class. Wtf.
11. If you’re in a relationship, you’re starting to panic that it’s not a real relationship. You’re probably thinking, “Will we work out in the real world, when both of us are poor af and hate our jobs? (PROBS NOT…)”
12. And if you’re not in a relationship, the idea of dating other adults outside of college is pretty horrifying. Where will you meet these people? Are blind dates really a thing? ALSO, HOW WILL YOU POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO AFFORD DATING?
13. You’re concerned you’ll never figure out how to really grocery shop. And you’re guessing it’ll soon be inappropriate to return from the supermarket with a bunch of bags full of ramen and gatorade.
14. You recently realized that you have at least FOUR DECADES of like, your career or whatever ahead of you. This realization was followed by a week-long depression and strategic job search procrastination.
15. You have a billion things on your college bucket list that you like…HAVE to do. You do not, however, have a billion hours left to do them.
16. You’re kind of terrified that your future coworkers will think you’re dumb/weird/boring/annoying, and that you’ll end up eating lunch in a bathroom stall every day, softly weeping into your very mediocre salad.
17. You’re mourning your imminent loss of ratchetry. When does passing out at the foot of your bed with no pants on and one contact in stop being cute? Asking for a friend.