1. Nipple hair.
“Um…nipple hair. Nipple. Hair. Usually mine’s thin and barely visible, but every so often, a real thick, pubey one comes along—those are the worst…so random and aggressive. I once tried waxing some off with an at-home waxing kit because I couldn’t find any tweezers. It didn’t work.”
— Stella, 19
2. Erect nipple confusion.
“I hate when guys aggressively check out my hardened nipples under the assumption that I’m turned on, when really, I’m usually just cold. I think I was seriously scarred by it after two summers of being a camp counselor and having to take the kids out to swim in a freezing cold lake, only to be bombarded with creepy stares from pre-pubescent boys who looked like they’d just seen their first tit.”
— Lucy, 18
3. Underboob sweat.
“Underboob sweat. Is. The. Mother. Fucking. Worst. Peak UBS hour is obvi when you’re dancing ur ass of in da club, wearing a tight-ass dress that reveals the two jacuzzis that’ve pooled under your boobies, too turnt to deal with standing on the long-ass bathroom line to wipe those little shits up, so you gotta ‘discreetly’ shove a napkin down your Herve Leger in the middle of the dance floor.”
— Wiley, 22
“I’m all about freeing the fucking nipple, but once in a while, I gotta pull out a pair of pasties so my mom isn’t too horrified when she sees me walking out of the house with my areoles headlighting through my shirt. On two separate occasions I’ve worn some of those super sticky, shitty disposable paper ones only to rip them off tactlessly while blackout drunk and wake up to second degree nip burns.”
— Manzi, 20
5. Boob juice.
“As a new mom who breastfeeds her kid, let me tell you, accidental lactation is not fun. It feels like every day, at the most unfortunate time, my nipples start to leak. Just this morning, I was ordering coffee, and all of the sudden, the barista looked down with this embarrassed, terrified look on her face. Oh, goodie—boob juice. Boob juice for my barista to see. Yes, Ashley—definitely ‘leave some room for milk.’”
— Sanne, 29
6. Period pain.
“WHEN I’M PMS-ING LIKE RN AND MY BOOBS FEEL LIKE LIKE SOMEONE CHEWED THEM OFF, SPIT THEM OUT, BOILED THEM IN LAVA, AND PASTED THEM BACK ON WITH A HOT GLUE GUN.”
— Hallie, 21
7. Big boob back pain.
“Back pain is a real freakin’ struggle for the Titanic-Tittied, which is why I’m currently saving up for a breast reduction. Sad cuz I love my big boobies and I’m poor as fuck, but very necessary.”
— Laila, 23
8. Golfing with G-cups.
“Try golfing with tits as big as your face.”
— Alessia, 25
9. Post-childbirth Saggy Tit Syndrome.
“Breastfeeding my children. And the Saggy Tit Syndrome those little SOBs gave me.”
— Izara, 36
10. Chronic cracked nip.
“I’m an avid runner, and having to wear Second Skin over my nipples every time I run to prevent what otherwise becomes chronic cracked nip (aka “chafing”) is a real pain in the tits.”
— Sara, 26
Bras Boob Prison.
“Uhhh…bras. Obviously bras. Bras are terrible. Just ask any woman who’s just taken hers off after hours of being in boob prison…that’s easily the best moment of her day. They’re uncomfortable, they’re suffocating, and they’re EXPENSIVE! Like no, Victoria’s Secret, ain’t nobody got money for an $80 piece of silicone, underwire, and cheap fabric. And then we gotta wear/buy sports bras, too?! Fml.”
— Raffaela, 22
“STAIRS. When you don’t like wearing bras (like me) and have relatively huge breasts (like me), walking/running down stairs is a goddamn bitch. People are always so weirded out when I clutch them/create a supportive makeshift boob shelf with my forearm, and it’s like, what do you want from me, guys???? This shit hurts!”
— Angie, 21
13. Stretch marks.
“When I first started taking birth control, my boobs grew a full cup size in A MONTH (I shit you not), leaving behind these nasty white stretch marks. But hey, I ain’t mad I’m a perfect C-cup now.”
— Celine, 20
14. Not being able to rip your shirt off.
“Nothing unnerves me more than seeing dudes walking/running down the street on a boiling hot day with their shirts off—it’s just so unfair!!!! I’d rip mine off, too, but my mom won’t let me. :(”
— Jess, 18
“This isn’t exactly news-breaking, but when you have big tits like mine, guys love to stare. I really don’t mind boob-praise; if I know you, feel free to remind me how gorgeous mine are…with words. I just really hate being ogled whenever I wear a shirt that reveals even a hint of cleavage. Like, get over it, y’all…u realize they’re basically just tubs of fat you get hard for cuz u want me to be ur baby mama (evolutionarily speaking), right?”
— Vivian, 21