1. You’re not in love—you’re comfortable. And comfortability is a shit reason to stay in a shit relationship.
2. Your ego is a flimsy thing, and he’s fucked you over plenty. So if you know it’s going to end imminently, make the executive decision to expedite that process before he does.
3. You don’t have kids, an apartment, or a dog with him… nothing to tether you to a dysfunctional romance.
4. *The Spark* has been replaced with *The Very Irritating Scratch Of Knowing You’re Never More Than 24 Hours Away From Being Extremely Pissed Off.* Itch away.
5. You’re terrified of disappointing your best friend/tarot card reader/psychic/mom/therapist. They’ve all given you sage counsel to get out before it’s too late, and you’ll look a fool if you don’t heed their warnings.
6. …On that note, Mercury is probably in retrograde. Get the fuck out before shit hits the fan.
7. If your sexual encounters are consistently underwhelming, it’s likely because he doesn’t give a shit and you can only enjoy the novelty of an(other) unfulfilling chapter of your sex life for so long. Bye-bye, sir.
8. You low-key envy anyone experiencing breakup drama… isn’t it like, kinda fun? Why not be the director of this beautiful shit show.
9. He’s started to resuscitate parts of his single social life… without you. Complacency breeds arrogance, and he’s no longer putting in the necessary work to validate this relationship because he’s self-important enough to think you’ll stick around regardless. Prove that little bitch wrong.
10. You miss your friends, and they miss you. He tends to plunge you into a world of selfish irrationality, and the most important relationships in your life have, consequently, taken a hit. Keep your priorities straight.
11. Sleep is tight! No more shitty relationship = no more restless nights of idle rumination = no more too-much-coffee-induced acid reflux.
12. Sadness can be a productive emotion. Sit with your sadness. Sit with your fear of loneliness. Maybe you’ll be inspired.
13. You’ve starting fantasizing about breakup sex. Breakup sexxxxx.
14. “Goodbye” isn’t necessarily written in ink, and that comforts you. You’ll find your way back to him, eventually, if the universe wills it. But if it’s time, now, to gracefully bow out, do.