I almost didn’t write this. But I am not writing it to you. I am writing it for me.
I am still angry, and sad, and my heart is still shattered. I am still shocked at how you could become so cold to me when you were my everything just a few short months ago. I am still confused, still waking up from the nightmare, and accepting it as reality. A new reality. Where you aren’t there to hold, and look at in awe whenever I want to.
But I am learning to heal.
I have had to heal from a lot of things, and I am still healing from so much that’s happened to me. Every day, I wake up and I go on, I move forward. And most days, I cry. And that’s okay. It’s okay to miss you.
I am starting to see you for the person you truly are. Someone that I loved, but who chose to leave me. Someone that I cherished, but who stopped believing that we could make it work.
And I am learning to forgive you. I haven’t yet, and I don’t know when I will. But I can feel it, someday the time will come. Maybe it won’t come until I meet someone else, and start telling him about what happened with you, and he’ll look at me the way you never really did.
And maybe it will be before then.
But I know, when it happens, it won’t be for you.
I won’t forgive you to give YOU the peace of mind. I know you can do that yourself, and after so long, I now know it isn’t my responsibility to get rid of your guilt. I will forgive you so that I can love myself and others, in the way I did when I first fell in love with you. I will let go of all the hurt and pain, and start to love everything again. Start to believe in myself, and in happiness, and love.
It may take a long time for me to heal, and to move on, longer than it takes you, and that’s okay too.
Because I can feel it now. I can feel the healing. I can see the light, at the end of the darkness.