My dear fighter, give up. What you are chasing is no longer worth it and you already know that. You were once chasing it because it meant a lot to you, because it genuinely made you happy. But that isn’t the case anymore.
In this long and tiring battle, you need to realize that there is a thin line between determination and desperation.
While determination keeps pushing us to achieve what we want, it also ensures that we are constantly evaluating the worth and the relevance of the goal that we are chasing.
Desperation, however, makes us blind. It turns us into one of those kids who throws tantrums and just won’t accept the reality of accepting that not everything that our heart pines for will be handed over to us. Unfortunately, life is one of those strict parents who will not hesitate to punish you if don’t stop throwing the tantrums. So, before you end up getting more hurt, disappointed and lost in the depths of desperation, please find the strength to give up.
Because deep down you know it is the right thing to do.
You are scared of being judged, of being called a coward or as someone who easily gives up on their dream. However, the truth is everyone close to you knows that you have fought long enough and that you have fought bravely too.
But sometimes, courage lies in giving up. It takes a lot of courage to accept that no matter how badly you wanted something at some point in time, it isn’t necessarily healthy and good for you now.
Don’t wait around for this battle to suck the life out of you because you are scared of being judged, because you are waiting for someone to say it is ok to give up on the one thing that you once wanted the most. But, if you still need someone to say it, let me be the one to do it. I allow you to give up. I allow you to put down your sword and end this fight that is constantly eating you up from inside and gives you no peace. Give up, go home, cry your heart out, eat something warm and get some much needed sleep.
Wake up in the morning, say a little prayer (or if you are an atheist, just send out a small healing wish to the universe) and try to start your day on a positive note. Take account of the small blessings that happened in your life and in the lives of others while you were too busy fighting. Meet up with family and loyal friends and take their help to find your lost smile again. Cook something elaborate and delicious for yourself and hog on it. I mean it. Hog on all the home cooked food you can find. Don’t eat the frozen canned food available at the stores. They will make you feel cold and lifeless like they are. Instead, sit and dine around family and friends. Listen them crib about their snotty job, the weird neighbor and clingy partners. Listen to their stories; listen to all that they have to say and once in a while, when something is genuinely funny, you might even surprise yourself hearing the loud laughter escaping your mouth.
When you finally find yourself laughing, remember that moment. It is your moment of truth, for it will teach you and constantly remind you that you are never too broken to laugh out loud on the jokes cracked by your friends.
Slowly, steadily and definitely you will heal and make peace with your past. Giving up is done but moving on is another story and honestly speaking, I really don’t know if you really ever move on. After all, all it takes is a date, a season, a person, a scent or a song to open the floodgates of memories of what you once held dearly. So, I really don’t know if you can actually ever move on.
But what I can say with surety is that it does get better with time. May be the winter season this year will make you cry because of the memories. May be next year you will not cry but still be melancholic during winter. But I really hope and pray that after a few years, you will welcome the winter with a smile on the face looking back at the memories of the battle you fought and gave up, realizing that in the long run it was indeed the right thing to do. Realizing that choosing to save yourself and your sanity is always the right choice.