The 50 Greatest Tweets Of All Time
Ask your dumbass friends if they know of a reputable artist.
— Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) December 25, 2011
emotion called ‘i don’t want to sleep but i don’t know what i’m waiting for’
— tao lin (@tao_lin) March 6, 2012
no raindrop feels responsible for the flood
— ˚ (@santinodela) July 5, 2012
unable to stop perceiving ‘catholic’ as ‘person addicted to cats’
– crispin best (@crispinbest) April 28, 2012
IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
— wint (@dril) May 22, 2012
“CARPE DIME” is a latin phrase that mean’s “HASTAG YOLO”
– steve roggenbuck (@steveroggenbuck) December 22, 2012
A FUCKING PILE OF PANCAKES (IN THE STILL OF THE NIGHT)
— PRETEEN GALLERY (@PRETEENGALLERY) January 13, 2013
JACKING OFF HAS RUINED MY LIFE – Lil B
— Lil B From The Pack (@LILBTHEBASEDGOD) February 25, 2011
those assholes at the skatepark laugh at me now, but when i get home and turn on Family Guy, ill be the one laughing
— Löwenäffchen (@Lowenaffchen) October 5, 2011
have sex you’re a slut, don’t have sex you’re a bitch, use birth control you’re a slut, don’t use birth control you’re stupid
– Amber Eeeeeee (@rare_basement) March 1, 2012
white people critiquing other white people for being white
— eb.derpt (@ebderpt) March 24, 2013
Love is when two people who have been apart for years want to be alone forever
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 12, 2013
g golly guys twitter makes me happy (lil b swings his arm like a proud soccer dad with a family he cannot control at home)hey bro – Lil B
– Lil B From The Pack (@LILBTHEBASEDGOD) November 16, 2010
you’re not a pawn, you’re a piece of dust slowly settling on a pawn in a game in which no player has moved in a thousand years
– mark leidner (@markleidner) October 31, 2012
White people invented racism so they could be experts in it and feel smart
— myst walkthru (@marshallmallico) March 26, 2013
Heres a tip are you having trouble finding the clitoris ? Heres a tip forget the sex cause you are the run from the law. You ate a kid dude
— Conor Tripler (@ConorTripler) September 8, 2011
NPR head resigns after calling Tea Party “racist.” Tomorrow, NASA head to resign after calling space “big.”
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 9, 2011
u know how dogs arent really smiling, theyre just panting? and they dont really kiss you, they just like salt? A lot of things are like that
— Heiko (@heikojulien) May 2, 2012
want to go to a family reunion & stand on the coffee table & calmly but loudly ask who wants to fuck
— blake butler (@blakebutler) June 13, 2011
Ride a goddamn turtle into hell.
— TWS (@timothysanders) May 31, 2012
want rick ross to breast feed me
– New York Tyrant (@nytyrant) September 24, 2012
I’m feeling…alive
— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) January 15, 2011
TODAY I AM GOING TO DO THE THINGS I LOVE WITHOUT SELF DOUBT OR FEAR OF JUDGMENT BECAUSE THIS IS MY LIFE
— ˚ (@santinodela) October 12, 2012
$5 WRINKLE TRICK THAT HAS BOTOX DOCTORS FURIOUS!: ACCEPT THE IMPERMANENCE OF ALL THINGS AND EMBRACE YOUR BODY
— RAINBOW SATAN (@TPHD) June 10, 2011
halloween idea for one of you: slutty hummus waterfall (wear nothing but a thong and let someone constantly puke all over you)
– ana c. (@ana_carrete) October 10, 2012
it was absolutely useless. Thanks
— Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) November 12, 2011
Trying is Cool
— Heiko (@heikojulien) October 19, 2012
is it cooler to shit during a back flip or a front flip
— BRASNON (@bransonbranson) February 20, 2013
The best way to read a poem is to pretend each line is the name of a horse; so the poem is just a list of horses
— Andrew J Weatherhead (@weeatherhead) March 19, 2013
friendly reminder that you will never be able to fully express your thoughts/feelings to anybody ever
— Mira Gonzalez (@miragonz) December 12, 2012
baby shampoo just works better. it’s really not that big of a deal
— DRAKE THOUGHTS (@DRAKE_THOUGHTS) November 26, 2012
LIFE IS NOT A GAME A GAME IS 1 OF THE MANY MANY THINGS THAT OCCUR IN LIFE
— KOOL A.D. (@veeveeveeveevee) January 3, 2013
“This is not acceptable!” I screamed as Kathy drowned
– Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) January 5, 2012
i don’t always smoke crack but when i do i make it dos equis
— Ralph Moffettone (@RalphMoffettone) March 15, 2013
add me on ‘fucking shithead’
– tao lin (@tao_lin) December 18, 2012
Would you cut someone and watch them bleed to death to be with Justin?
— katy bucci (@biebercrazie4u) February 20, 2011
u think i was born cute bitch i worked hard 2 b this way and also socialisation, power relations and trauma #cute
— #CUTEOUT (@Aurist) March 8, 2013
life is a videogame except you can’t save or quit or restart and there are no points or objectives or level-ups or stats
– willis plummer (@willisplummer) November 15, 2012
hey bro (a weird looking animal with glassess looks up) your a bitch bro (the nerd walks out the room and becomes homeless) – Lil B
– Lil B From The Pack (@LILBTHEBASEDGOD) November 16, 2010
scatter my ashes on the internet
— crispin best (@crispinbest) May 7, 2012
babies cry because they are alive and that is the saddest thing to be
— spencer madsen (@spencermadsen) December 15, 2011
just say ‘this is temporary’ every 5 seconds for the rest of yr life and you’ll be fine
– Melissa Broder (@melissabroder) January 16, 2013
they will hook me up to a polygraph and ask me if I love you and I will say no but the needle will jump and sputter exactly how you laugh
– kimmy (@aRealLiveGhost) July 27, 2012
Everything happens so much
— Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) June 28, 2012