Why do you overthink so much? Why can’t you just let things happen? Why do you make everything more complicated than it needs to be? These are three questions I’ve been asked over and over again my entire life. And every single time, my answer is the same: I don’t know.
Overthinking can feel like a curse that creates problems that don’t exist and unnecessary heartache. The constant worrying and wondering about the what-ifs. Overanalyzing every little thing until you feel physically sick. So why do we do it? While I can’t speak for everyone, I think for the most part it’s just the way our brain is wired, but other times it’s not. Being a deep-feeler can feel like a burden in today’s society, where it’s easier to act like you don’t care about anything than it is to be vulnerable. So for those who are wondering what it’s really like to be an overthinker and deep feeler, here are some ways I can explain it.
Firstly, overthinking often coexists with anxiety. This means that our brains will automatically think of all the worst cases scenarios that could possibly happen, no matter how ridiculous they sound. We do this as a defense mechanism so we can mentally prepare ourselves in the event that something bad happens to us. It’s our mind’s way of protecting our heart. And since we feel everything so deeply, we have to make sure we can prepare for the worst so that maybe, just maybe, it will hurt a little less.
It’s often said that it’s both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply, and this couldn’t be more true. When you feel things in extremes, you cannot balance your emotions. There is no gray area. You’re either on cloud nine or rock bottom, living life to the fullest or crying on the bathroom floor. There is no in-between. It can be mentally and emotionally exhausting to have a mind that is constantly living in what feels like a state of chaos.
We often get called overdramatic. Because even though deep down we know something isn’t the end of the world, that’s how it feels in our minds. And how it feels is all that matters in that moment. We’re basically in our feelings so much that they consume us. And it can be hard to decipher what’s real and what’s just our thoughts running wild.
People will tell us to stop overthinking, but unfortunately, it’s not that easy. We can’t turn it off like a switch. It’s not as simple as that. We wish we didn’t overanalyze everything, but we do it anyways. We do it to protect our heart and mind at the expense of debilitating anxiety.
We need consistent communication. No, like we NEED it. Open and honest communication is the single most important thing for anyone who overthinks. If you’re not saying it, it’s not there. This also means we need constant reassurance for everything in life. In fact, we will probably need it from at least 5 independent sources just to be safe.
We don’t want to burden people with our feelings. There are so many thoughts that run through our mind every day that it’s hard to make sense of them all. Our mood can change in seconds by just a single thought.
We are the most loving and caring people you will ever meet. Being an overthinker and a deep feeler means that we also have a tendency to overlove because we care so deeply for everyone and everything around us. We want the people we love to feel seen, heard, and understood. We will never let them go a day knowing we don’t care for them. So although being a deep feeler can be hard during the low moments, it can also be amazing during the good ones.
So if you’re an overthinker and deep feeler, remember that you’re not alone out there and that there are people who think and feel and see the world the way you do. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, it can be a rare and beautiful thing. You are not too sensitive. You are not too much. You are a human being with feelings, and how you express those feelings is valid. Please never forget that.