1. Refrain from being a hater. I completely understand and empathize with the compulsion to rent a skywriter, throw a benefit party, and get a tattoo in an effort to proclaim how terrible someone is. Some people are just THE WORST and every human — dead or living — should be subject to hearing about it ad nauseum. But is that your job? Is that the best use of your time? You’re not the town crier. You’re not The Grey Lady. If the person, place, or thing you despise is actually that bad, it will ruin its reputation all on its own. It doesn’t need your help. Devoting negative energy to hating something makes you the sucky kind of person you’re rallying against. Just calm the hell down and let nature take its course.
2. Stop complaining about things you can change. Whenever you catch yourself whining about how you’re spending too much money or how you’re tired of sleeping with people who don’t call before midnight or how you’re completely out of shape and it sucks, you suck, life sucks, stop yourself and imagine that this laundry list of self-inflicted grievances belongs to a friend. Wouldn’t it be totally annoying to have a conversation with someone who would rather bellyache for hours than devote the same amount of time to addressing these issues? Yeah. That annoying person is you, gurl. Not a good look. Either attempt to make changes or talk about something else.
3. Exercise some willpower. For whatever reason, self-discipline seems like it’s completely out of reach, like only certain people are graced with the power to say yes, or say no, or to wake up early to run before work, or to not eat their weight in fried chicken just because it’s raining and Tuesday. This is something us lazy, unmotivated people like to tell ourselves so that we’re never expected to do anything that requires restraint or effort. The fact is, you can read more if you want to. You can be that person who puts their laundry away instead of leaving it in an unfolded heap and pecking through it every time you get dressed like you’re a hen at a clothing swap. You are capable of functioning as an adult.
4. Quit stalking your ex. Breakups can send an otherwise stable person down a shame spiral of biblical proportions. Best practice for limiting pathetic and embarrassing displays of emotion? Get over it, ASAP. It’s easier said than done, but not standing in your own way is a start. And dropping by your ex’s Facebook and Twitter accounts thrice hourly? Not helping anyone. You have enough emotional ammunition from memory alone — keeping additional tabs on this person will only prolong your efforts to move on. Make willpower your bitch and step away from the computer.
5. Don’t beat yourself up. Failing to make the right choice once in a while is bound to happen. But all is not lost just because you ate mayonnaise or purposely walked past your ex’s apartment, even though it was completely out of the way, basically in another neighborhood entirely, but who’s keeping track, right? It’s okay to mess up, so long as you don’t completely indulge in your slip or decide that you’re not worthy of something better. Take responsibility for yourself and keep it moving. A life of not being a self-defeating, whiny little baby awaits you.