You Are Not Required To Forgive People

Anh Phan
Anh Phan

So many people say you shouldn’t hold grudges and they only make you bitter, blah blah blah. But in reality what is wrong with being bitter towards someone who has treated you so poorly?

I’m one for giving people second chances, maybe even a third because people do make mistakes and some people do change. But there comes a certain time when you realize some people are just really shitty people. They do not make amends for their actions and they do not feel guilty. They take advantage of your forgiveness and optimism and screw you over, over and over again. That gets old.

I don’t think it’s unhealthy to hold an aversion for these kind of people, whether it may be an ex-boyfriend, horrible old roommate or toxic frenemy. They need to know that their chances have run out.

There will be no forgiveness this time around. I don’t want to leave a door open for someone just for them to come in and walk all over me like a doormat.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to forgive and forget in order to move on with your life.
Forgiving and forgetting is actually kind of unrealistic. I’m expected to forget every bad thing that anyone has ever done to me? How would I ever learn any lessons on who to trust and what decisions are right and wrong? I wouldn’t. Life is about learning from people and from mistakes, not about forgetting and repeating the same ones constantly.

If I am asked about someone who is no longer in my life because of the bad things they have done to me then I have no problem telling the truth about my feelings- they were toxic, I dislike them and I don’t have a place for people like that in my heart or my life.

Some people may say that seems bitter or that I am still holding onto a grudge. So what if I am? That is my choice.
Holding a dislike for some people also doesn’t mean that I still dwell on what they’ve done to hurt me, it just means that their chances have ran out and I will not lie about my feelings for them. This goes for everyone, if I am asked about someone who I do really like then I will have no problem going on about how wonderful they are. I give my opinions whole heartedly every time, negative or positive. I’ve always been a very honest person, almost to a fault, so I will not sit and say that things are good with someone when they are not, just so it appears I don’t hold grudges. I’m not one for fake conversations or pretending to like someone who has mistreated me just to appear “nice.” Everyone is entitled to their own opinions about everything, including people, and should not be judged for them no matter what they are.

I hardly even think about the people I don’t like. No, I am constantly thinking about my hatred for those people or that I am sitting around plotting my revenge against them. I have too many great people in my life that I don’t ever need to. But when I am asked opinions or questions about those toxic people I will tell the truth, quite bluntly.

It is not about holding a deep grudge-it is about being authentic and strong enough to stand up for myself against people who don’t have a place in my life anymore.

It gives me more piece of mind knowing that these people will no longer be around me than it would to give them my bullshit forgiveness.

Quite frankly some people just don’t deserve your forgiveness or even your kind words. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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