Last Thursday night, I gave some great drunk advice: “Just text her, she’s not out of your league — because there is no such thing as leagues”.
You see, up until about a year ago, I believed leagues existed. At first, I thought people who were ridiculously attractive were out of my league. You’d think once I realized not everything is about looks, my thoughts wouldn’t be as shallow. But it wasn’t that clear. I believed that if someone was smarter than me, or funnier than me, they too were out of my league. Needless to say, I was wrong.
The problem with using the term ‘league’ in this context is that the word implies that there is a set of recognized standards. Unlike what most people think, our standards are not completely outlined by society. I would by lying if I said the media doesn’t impact our standards, because it certainly does, but those unrealistic standards that the media sets are not definitive. It is for that reason — that standards are personal constructs and not completely social constructs — that leagues don’t really exist. The line, ‘he/she is out of my league’ is simply an individual’s way of mind-fucking themselves into backing out of possible rejection. Leagues are standards. Standards are subjective. Therefore, leagues are subjective. With no way to accurately define a person who is ‘out of your league,’ because leagues are something we create in our minds. They don’t truly exist.
1. How we view ourselves is different from how others view us.
First, before you even decide who is and who is not in your league, there is a subconscious process we all go through where we define how we view ourselves. You may look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re a 6, but every person you pass walking down the block may think you’re a solid 9. We tend to be our own worst critic, and with that title comes insecurities. When we’re insecure, we have lower self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, you hold yourself to lower standards. If how you see yourself differs from what everyone around you thinks of you, everyone’s definition of what league you’re in is different. The league can’t exist if there’s no conclusive way to determine which league you’re actually in.
2. What you find to be attractive is different from what I find to be attractive.
You may find Lil Wayne and the teardrop tattoos on his face to be the biggest turn-on ever. Your best friend might agree with People magazine, that Adam Levine is the sexiest man alive. You may only be attracted to white people, whereas I may only like Spanish people. Some guys like bigger girls, other guys like girls who look emaciated. We live in a world where everyone has their own taste. Because we don’t gather to decide which features are deemed most attractive, there is no way to say one person is more attractive than another. It goes back to the simple cliché; beauty is in the eye of the beholder. With billions of different ‘beholders’, there are billions of different ways to define who belongs in what league. With so many definitions of aesthetically pleasing appearances, does the league actually exist?
3. Personality can make you more or less likeable.
Personally, I believe a good personality can make you or break you. I would rather show off my boyfriend’s kick-ass personality than drag around an egotistical douche with washboard abs — though, to each his own! For an individual who weighs looks more heavily than personality, someone who they consider ‘out of their league’ might be a Victoria’s Secret model. But for someone who holds an affable personality to a higher esteem, they may find the funny guy, who’s the life of the party, as ‘out of their league’. Having a friendly demeanor and a good sense of humor can make you infinitely more attractive to a person who is seeking just that. Because we are all looking for different characteristics in a significant other, it’s impossible to label one characteristic better than another. With out these recognized categorizations of what feature of a person is considered more attractive, there is no definitive league that exists.
4. Social standing can move you up or down in ranks.
Any social rank worth having is something that is (most of the time) earned. If you’re at a good social standing with your peers, it’s going to make you A) more likeable and B) more attractive. Social standing can also have the opposite effect. It can give capital power to a shitty person. The beautiful part of an esteemed social standing amongst peers is that it can make someone who you thought was repulsive seem like the nicest, cutest guy around. If you gravitate toward the people your peers gravitate to, you’re probably going to find yourself hanging out with a pretty awesome person. When everyone around you is attracted to one person, it makes them more valuable. Take this valuable guy out of his normal scene, and maybe he won’t be liked by his new peers so much. Suddenly, he’s not as valuable as he once was. To his new peers, he is not ‘out of their league,’ but to you, he will always be. With so many different factors that determine who belongs in what league, we forget that they don’t actually exist. They are personal constructs.
5. (Some) bitches love dough.
I once had a roommate who was obsessed with finding a guy who was filthy rich. She even made a profile on a dating website that is used specifically for girls in search of a sugar daddy. She cared if they were attractive, but she cared way more as to where they were financially. So for her, someone who has a lot of money she’d consider ‘out of her league.’ You may look at someone with a Lamborghini and a large inheritance and say to yourself, “wow, that’s so hot.” The person next to you might look at it and tell themselves, “that’s disgusting how they flaunt their money.” You may find someone rich to be out of your league. You may think someone rich is in the league below yours. None of these things make someone ‘out of your league,’ because there is no such thing as leagues. It’s called having your own taste.