15. Gum.
As a child and teen I would eat bubble gum like it was candy; Chew for a few seconds and swallow. We’ve all heard the myth of how bubble gum stays in your stomach for seven years. Well I can attest that that is a LIE. So, here I was, a preteen/teenager, laying on the couch when I have to fart. No biggie. I let it go and something feels yucky in my underwear, so I rush to the bathroom because I think I pooped myself. I pull down my pants to find BRIGHT PINK GUM. I sharted undigested bubble gum, you guys.
16. Movies.
Wow I don’t know why I’m so excited to tell this, but it’s finally my chance!
So the story begins when I was about 13 years old. I went to the movies with my mom and brother and sister to see Planet 51. Whenever I go to the movies, I usually drink a lot of pop, and put the white cheddar seasoning on my popcorn. The seasoning always upsets my stomach, but I love it so much so I ate it anyways.
So the movie ends, and I tell my mom to wait a few minutes so I can take a shit. Enter the washroom, and nothing comes out, stomach isn’t hurting at all, so we leave the theater. As soon as I step outside, my stomach starts hurting a lot, the hurt you get a few minutes before an intense shit. I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time, so I didn’t ask if they could wait while I empty my bowels. Reluctantly, I get into the car and we pull onto the highway. My stomach is hurting so much by then what I’m sweating and breathing a lot.
Deciding I didn’t want to have an accident, I ask my mom if she can stop somewhere, and she says ‘I’ll stop if I can find somewhere.’ Within a minute, I couldn’t hold it any longer. My stomach was aching with pain and I was yelling ‘IT FEELS LIKE I’M HAVING A BABY!!!’ Finally, I feel its gonna come out, and so I lift my ass off the car seat and let it flow.
It was a smelly ride home, and because I didn’t want to smother my legs with even more shit, I had to hold myself off the seat with the armrests all the way home.
Five years later I still can’t live it down.
