1. “I like a girl without makeup.”
I’m never sure if guys actually know what “no makeup” means in magazines, movies, and television. A lot of the time, first of all, the women are heavily photoshopped, even if their faces are bare. But usually “no makeup” means light concealer, maybe some bronzer, clear mascara, shaped eyebrows, and lip balm. It’s all about enhancing natural features and downplaying the blemishes, much like, I don’t know… actual makeup?? You like a girl that looks perfect naturally, and that just doesn’t happen.
2. “It only matters to me that you get off.”
A lot of guys are way more concerned with being reassured that they’re good in bed, they want to know the girl came because it makes them look and feel good, and they put so much pressure on it that a lot of girls end up faking just to get them off their backs. When a guy makes constant comments about how important it is that the girl have an orgasm, even if it’s just not possible for her that night, it means he’s also in it for his own ego. If a guy is really just there for her pleasure, he gives orgasms, he doesn’t have to talk about them.
3. “I don’t even watch porn.”
He either watches it but has a lot of really weird guilt about it, or he watches so little that he thinks, as a guy, that qualifies as “not watching it.” But either way, he definitely watches porn. (And the kind of guy who has huge emotional hangups about porn is its own bag of worms, and this little lie is kind of the least of it.
4. “I don’t masturbate.”
Yes, he does.
5. “You know I don’t care what we do.”
Sometimes people genuinely don’t care where you go to dinner, or what party you go to, or whatever. But often it’s more a question of “I’m too lazy to have an opinion, and I’d rather you do all the work when it comes to planning our social calendar. Don’t worry though, I’ll definitely complain if I don’t like it once we get there.”
6. “I don’t talk to her anymore!”
If he has to say this — and if he was talking to her in the first place, to the point that you had to ask him to stop — chances are he hasn’t cut her off totally. Men really don’t like having to cut a girl off like that, and generally when they do, it makes the girl even more eager for his attention. As a general rule, you probably shouldn’t be with a guy that you have to ask to stop talking to certain people.
7. “Gay guys are always hitting on me.”
The truth here is twofold: One, they think that gay men are looking at them in the same way they look at women, objectifying them and chasing after them constantly. Two, they imagine themselves so attractive that any person who is interested in men has to be interested in them specifically, and don’t understand that gay men are capable of having things like “types” or even just “taste.” What this really means is “I’m incredibly self-centered and also probably homophobic.”
8. “I like a girl who knows how to eat!”
“I like a girl who will go on Taco Bell runs with me, or just pig out on the couch eating Chinese food, but she also has to magically stay in shape because no fatties.”