1. You are going to want to tell every last person about being cheated on, and to ask for their opinion, even though nothing they say will make you feel even the slightest bit better.
2. Most of what you actually want to hear is them talking shit about the person who cheated on you, and agreeing with you that they are the worst person in the world.
3. You will simultaneously want to hang out with every friend you have, and see no one.
4. You can drink a lot more wine than you imagined you could drink.
5. The breach of trust is always more significant than the breach of physical contact (although the latter is guaranteed to haunt you while you’re trying to fall asleep).
6. It’s never ok to stop getting tested.
7. Ultimately, building a relationship on the idea of “owning” someone’s love — even someone we love and trust completely — is setting you up for failure.
8. Every song can be about a cheating lover if you want it to, and you can sing along to them really violently.
9. You can guilt your friends into giving you free drinks and meals, because you are emotionally damaged and they have to pity you.
10. If a mutual friend does not side with you in the breakup, it is time for some serious scorched earth.
11. You are much better at deceiving yourself for long periods of time than you thought you were.
12. The time after your breakup is going to be known from that point on as your “hot mess” era, where you are ready to do (and have sex with) just about anything.
13. This may be the perfect occasion to move out of the country, as you’ve always wanted to do.
15. You apparently know how to be entirely self-sufficient and carry out a full day’s activities without ever leaving your bed.
16. You have mastered the art of the subtweet.
17. All of your friends will eventually start avoiding you after a while because they can’t stand to be around such a drag, and only the strong will truly stand.
18. The first real date you go on, where you actually like the person enough to distract you from the pain of the breakup, will be one of the greatest days of your life.
19. Browsing OKCupid is a full-time job all in its own.
20. One day, you will wake up and the first thought you have won’t be “Why did they cheat on me? Why was I not good enough?”
21. It’s a total cliché, but sometimes it’s absolutely true, and this is one of those cases: It gets better.