WD40 is not a lubricant. The WD stands for water displacement. It will get rid of your squeak temporarily but evaporates quickly. Use a spray liquid silicone and give that WD40 to your grandma. Source: I’m an elevator mechanic
When changing a tire, loosen the lug nuts before you jack the car up. That way you won’t knock the car off the jack.
If you put Gold Bond powder on your ballsack you will spend the rest of the day feeling like you have made love to wind itself. It’s wonderful. It’s like a breath mint for your balls.
Tips for new fathers:
Invest in a nice set of precision screwdrivers and keep them on top of the fridge (or somewhere where you can easily access them). So many baby/toddler toys require a screwdriver to replace the batteries. Having a set devoted to this use where both you and wife can get to quickly is very handy.
Anytime there’s a party with kids (birthday, Christmas, etc.), make sure to take a knife, screwdrivers, and lighter. These can be helpful for helping to open gifts and lighting candles.
An ideal gift for your wife or a new mother is a spa day, or at least a massage. This gives them some much needed time away from the kids and stresses of home and gives them some time to relax and get some special treatment for their bodies.
Create a Google Doc shared between you and your wife with instructions for babysitters, including special instructions for the kids, emergency phone numbers, where the spare house key is kept (in case they get locked outside somehow), instructions for operating the TV, wireless router PW, and the full address to the home in case they need to use it for an emergency. Keep this document updated and just print out a new copy when needed.
Remember to date your wife.
Learn to be comfortable keeping your kids and taking them places on your own. This is good for giving mom a break and some quiet time at home without the kids, or watching them while she goes out for awhile.
Pull your own weight with washing bottles, washing and folding clothes, and keeping the house clean (vacuuming, clean bathrooms, etc.). This goes a long way helping your wife.
No matter how far along she looks, no matter how obvious you think it is, don’t EVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant. Wait until someone else says something. It not worth the risk.
She isn’t always right. She will appreciate you sticking up for yourself. Just don’t be a dick about it.
Keeping your fingernails neat and trimmed is a sign of sexual intelligence. No girl wants you venturing around her nether regions with jagged talons.
Applicable to both sexes, but every man should know anyways:
Invest in what goes between you and the ground. Mattresses, tires, and shoes.
When shaving your Adam’s apple (hi I’m Adam by the way), in order to not cut yourself swallow and hold to make it ”flatter”
Don’t get caught up in the macho bullshit game. I spent a good portion of my 20s in the Army (and went to Iraq and Afghanistan) and was an angry tough guy before and after.
When I got to around 28 years old I realized the extent to which that sort of behavior had fucked me up and hurt folks around me, and started making an effort to do better.
Fuck all that noise, find things about life that are meaningful to you and don’t worry about how manly they make you. You’ll live a better, braver life if you do.
Compliment anything you know a woman puts effort in to. It shows you’ve noticed and appreciate it. Whether they did it for themselves or an interest, they can still take that compliment to the bank.
Compliments work well in everyday social interaction, but I’ve also found that if you’re out at the bars downtown a legitimate compliment goes a long way to pique their interest in you. Part of it is because girls get hit on with some shitty line or a guy buys her a drink expecting he’s owed something. A compliment in passing is a good way to show you’ve noticed the effort, but keep walking with your friends to another part of the bar. Just do it. This is a good non-threatening way to see if she’s interested.
It only takes seconds for someone to determine visually if they’re interested. If you catch her looking more than a few times when she’s with her friends, it’s probably safe to say you can approach and talk a little. She’s watching you interact, what you’ve ordered, how you dress, your status with the group, status of the group, if you’re laughing, and the off chance you might be gay. It’s not a bad thing. It creates a dip in expectations if she’s attracted to you so when you do go to talk to her and her friends (ALWAYS INCLUDE THE FRIENDS. DON’T BE A HORN-DOG ASS-CLOWN) and you show interest in women. The compliment from earlier with compounded interest in her friends bring those expectations and her interest in you way higher than if you were to approach as a douche-bro.
Ya gotta wash yer butthole.
Edit: and don’t be afraid to dig in a little. You have an inner and an outer sphincter, and there is usually a bit of shit residue left between the two, which with a bit of sweating will work its way out.
Pressing on your gooch will squeeze out an extra few drops of piss, so you don’t end up with extra coming out when you sit back down.
A nicely trimmed and maintained beard looks good. A wild and unkempt neck beard looks trashy. Also, a little light cologne worn properly everyday will make people like you without even truly understanding why.
Edit: For reference I use 1-2 sprays on my wrist, then rub it against the other wrist and behind my ears. It creates a faint cologne aura by putting it on your wrists instead of your chest. Less actual smell, but a larger scent radius. Behind the ears is for huggin’ folks.
Politeness and empathy is the key to all human interactions.
Don’t use “being honest” as an excuse to act like an ass. Being polite and honest are not mutually exclusive. If you say things like “at least I’m not bullshitting you” or “I just say what I feel” to excuse bad behavior, you are doing it wrong.
Being “nice” to people and having manners isn’t being fake. It’s being an adult.
Also, women are people too. This seems obvious, but I think a lot of young men don’t seem to realize the way they are behaving reflects that this isn’t something they are aware of. They aren’t a mysterious race of creatures that are all conspiring. They are individuals, shaped by predisposition and life experiences just like you. Treat them like they are just like you. Not like an obstacle to be overcome.
Give a firm handshake when you meet someone. Look people in the eye. Smile. First impressions are everything.
Don’t confuse growing up with not making mistakes, or never being wrong or being diplomatic all the time. Don’t confuse maturity with not showing emotions. Be enthusiastic about shit. Be pissed about shit. Allow yourself some one dimensionality and stupid arguments. It’s fun and it keeps life interesting.
A steak needs to rest after it comes off the heat for a few minutes before you cut into it for maximum flavor.
You can use a rubber band to pull out a stripped screw by placing it in-between the screw and your screwdriver/drill.
Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to ask questions when you don’t know something, more often then not the other person will be willing to show you.
Your late teens and 20s are the perfect time to start great habits. Your brains are not as ‘set’ (more elastic, etc.). Want to learn a foreign language? How to play music?
Stop procrastinating. It’s is very hard to develop these things past your late 20s or so I’ve been told. Remember that to become really good at something (as in ‘master’ something) most people need at least a good 10 years doing it over and over again.
Don’t wait until your 30s or later to start doing shit like I did. For example exercise habits…really hard to get into a routine if you’ve never done it. Laziness begets laziness begets laziness.
The time is now to stop fucking around. Don’t end up like me.
Beards don’t make you hot in the summer.
They make you cool.