The rarest personality type is INFJ (standing for Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Judging) and is estimated to make up 1-2% of the population. The Myers-Briggs personality type indicator test (MBTI) may have fallen under scrutiny in the past few years, but psychologists who have analyzed the criticism assert that it is not any less valid or reliable than any other personality test. Interestingly, many INFJs share stories of being targeted by narcissistic individuals. Here are three reasons why they may be susceptible to narcissistic romantic partners and friends.
They have profound empathy and are introspective, making them susceptible to gaslighting and exploitation by emotional manipulators. However, narcissists tend to underestimate their sharp intuition and heightened ability to identify and discern patterns of behavior.
The INFJ is a Myers-Briggs personality type that is associated with tremendous levels of compassion, introspection, conscientiousness, and diplomacy. The INFJ’s dynamic combination of empathy, intelligence, humor, talents, and rich inner world can make them unforgettable friends and partners, ones who go out of their way to make others happy and who offer a profound, life-changing presence. INFJs often make great leaders and are usually self-reflective and sensitive to the point where they intimately understand the desires, needs, and goals of others and seek to meet them. They can lead revolutions for social change and are equipped with the determination and exquisite thoughtfulness that can change humanity for the better. These strengths unfortunately also make them a natural target for narcissistic people who wish to exploit them. Narcissistic individuals look for empathic people to take advantage of because they know they can appeal to these people with pity ploys and shallow emotional displays of love bombing.
When someone is as introspective as an INFJ is, they usually look within to see if there are behaviors they can improve on rather than automatically blaming someone for their behavior, making the INFJ more susceptible to self-blame and gaslighting. Or so narcissists think. In reality, an INFJ is also gifted with a sharp intuition and with the ability to recognize and identify complex patterns of behavior. They are always analyzing others, even if they don’t share their analyses, so manipulators often assume the INFJ is taking what they’re saying at face value when the reality is that the INFJ is engaging in complicated “algorithms” considering every scenario, outcome, and possibility behind the scenes based on their observations and recognition of patterns!
So long as they ground their empathy with discernment, INFJs are able to pick up on the micro-signals of narcissistic behaviors and traits in a person long before the average person, giving them an advantage at holding these people accountable, blowing the whistle on predatory types and freeing themselves from toxic relationships early on. This intuition is also what allows them to help humanity, leading the masses into the greater good by understanding the patterns and cycles of history so history doesn’t repeat itself. Their main challenge is to listen to their instincts carefully and not fall prey to gaslighting or mistake love-bombing as the ideal form of love they’ve always been searching for.
Despite their sharp intuition, INFJs are the ultimate romantics and may be prone to mistaking love bombing as ideal love and wolves in sheep’s clothing as the perfect partner they’ve always been looking for. This allows the narcissist to “isolate” the INFJ into a cult-like relationship.
Speaking of love bombing, many INFJs are usually in the pursuit of finding an ideal love most of their lives. They have very high standards and expectations for themselves and of others when it comes to relationships and friendships, even though they have keen insights into human nature other types may not have. Paradoxically, this can make them what I like to call the “skeptical romantic” – one who is deeply romantic at heart, but also extremely skeptical of other human beings because of their knowledge and intuition regarding the true motives of others and can see beyond the masks people wear. It’s no wonder that when charismatic narcissistic manipulators swoop in by mirroring their traits, desires, and interests or showering them with constant affection and excessive attention as love bombers often do, INFJs feel tempted to trust in these manipulators because such love bombing represents the “soulmate” love they’ve always been searching for – a partner who can fulfill them not just physically, but also intellectually, emotionally, or even spiritually.
Because INFJs are so different, unique, and distinct from others, they tend to be quite selective about the people they surround themselves with, keeping a smaller circle of friends who meet their needs: this tendency can easily turn into the ability to become easily isolated if they’re not careful, and can be dangerous if manipulators weaponize this quality against INFJs to create a “cult-like” relationship, creating a “us versus them” mentality against friends and family who want to support the INFJ. Many INFJs are still heavily on guard around people, distrusting, and can see love bombing from a mile away. Yet even those INFJs may still fall prey to this manipulation tactic especially during difficult times in their lives because they want to believe such “perfect” partners exist and have an idealized view of what love and romance should look like. This is the INFJ’s perfectionism at work when it comes to assessing others. Deep down, some INFJs may want a “rescuer” who will make them feel less alone in a world where they often feel alienated, even if they intuitively sense that their knight in shining armor dressed as a soulmate may just be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
While it’s understandable that an INFJ would be more selective with who they choose to surround themselves with in a world that tends to shun their gifts and positive qualities, or scapegoats them out of envy, INFJs may benefit from expanding their social circles so they have connections with different types of people (so long as these people are not toxic and they are able to set healthy boundaries), so they can prevent manipulators from further isolating them in abusive relationships. Although more shallow connections usually turn off the INFJ, it’s okay to diversify the friendship portfolio. Not everyone has to be a deep, profound connection to benefit your life. Even just the presence of “acquaintance-like” support can be helpful so INFJs do not feel as alone and feel like they have other options besides the narcissist for emotional nourishment and sharing the pleasures of everyday life with. They can also strengthen their connections with and build community with other like-minded individuals and similarly typed empathic people, like INFPs.
The INFJ is generous, multifaceted, gifted, and the jack of all trades, which means they embody a rare combination of traits and have many internal resources to share with others. Narcissists target such types because they see them as more of a rewarding challenge to “cage” the “rare bird” and use the INFJ for their intellect, talents, and gifts to short-circuit their own success.
Narcissists understand that the INFJ has many capabilities, talents, insights, and skills, and they “use” the INFJ to bolster their own image and success. An INFJ’s creative ingenuity, natural talents, and intellect can make them appealing to narcissists who want to imitate them or copy them and reap the rewards of what comes to INFJs naturally by parroting the INFJ’s personality. They want to “mimic” what makes an INFJ so unique, to gain the same type of success and impact. They also want to use the INFJ’s empathic presence as social proof that, they too, are compassionate beings. What better way than to lure INFJs into a close romantic relationship or friendship, so they can really “observe” what makes the INFJ tick and essentially “steal” that personality and try to emulate such gifts for themselves, and make use of the INFJ’s vast internal resources?
Since INFJs are naturally such generous partners, they will often go overboard in “giving” to the narcissist, sharing creative ideas, performing vast emotional labor to elevate the narcissist’s confidence, making suggestions on how their partners can improve their lives and effectively pursue their goals, and ultimately helping their narcissistic partners succeed in ways they otherwise wouldn’t. Unfortunately, such generosity is not usually reciprocated in the way an INFJ deserves, and narcissists tend to exploit INFJs partners to boost their own success, all while taking the credit. The key for INFJs is to “re-center” themselves and prioritize themselves in relationships. They must use their special gifts to elevate themselves and humanity, not narcissistic manipulators.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, the INFJ is a living, breathing paradox. They can take on seemingly contradictory hobbies and interests, master many different talents and trades, and their personality can be like a melting pot of traits and qualities that frankly don’t always make sense to the average outsider observing them. They are the intellectual comedians, the extroverted introverts, the reason-based artists of society. They are both rational and emotional, spiritual and scientific. They are also trendsetters because they possess the intuition to understand what will make an impact ten steps ahead of anyone else. One minute, they’re delivering a polished dissertation on the downfall of human nature and making predictions about the next ten years that inevitably come to fruition, and another minute, they’re cracking an irreverent joke that shocks and amuses onlookers. It’s no wonder narcissists are also attracted to this type – they can just steal their ideas, take advantage of the INFJ’s insights, copy their jokes and stories and imitate their intellect go gain favor in the world without doing the hard work themselves.
While they are selective about who they keep in their circle, INFJs can pretty much connect with anyone on many different levels and have the potential to leave a huge impact on this world with their natural gifts. They must reserve their empathy, generosity, and skill sets for those who truly deserve it. If you have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist regardless of your personality type, it is important to remember you did not deserve their mistreatment, and it was never your fault. You deserve to shine brightly and pursue healthy, loving relationships without being exploited and you deserve to heal from toxic people.
