There are many ways to figure out whether someone has narcissistic tendencies and traits. Here are the three biggest “tests” you can use to reveal a narcissist’s true colors, according to a researcher.
The Red Herring Test.
A narcissistic person lacks empathy and is willing to use whatever vulnerability they sense you have against you in order to exploit you. If you throw out a “red herring,” a false clue as to what triggers, fears, or wounds you may have, no matter how big or small, you will find that the narcissist will deliberately use this against you. For example, you may be very confident about your figure, but if you tell someone you suspect is toxic that you are insecure about it, you can bet that they will suddenly start to pick at your weight. With the red herring test, you can compel the narcissist to reveal themselves and their true nature early on so you can exit the relationship safely.
The Envy and Covert Sabotage Test.
Narcissists are pathologically envious of anyone with talents, achievements, beauty, personality traits, or popularity that surpasses theirs. Research supports that they have malicious envy – the type of envy that causes them to go out of their way to try to sabotage the people who have what they covet. That is why, if you disclose an achievement, a big interview or meeting, or any type of cause of celebration, you must watch closely for their reaction. You can choose to use a red herring here too; for example, mention that you have an interview coming up but rather than saying the actual date of the interview, suggest it is the next morning. A true narcissist will usually instigate a crazymaking argument, attempt to sabotage the interview, make you lose sleep or make a minimizing or otherwise covertly cruel comment right before they think this event is coming up. This will expose their motives and need to sabotage you, and you will be able to opt out of the relationship before it escalates.
The Boundary or Bare Minimum Test.
While the narcissist is effusively charming during the love bombing stage, they are absolutely ruthless during the devaluation stage of the relationship. If you are having doubts as to whether or not a narcissist is love bombing you in a superficial manner or genuinely interested, it can be helpful to use the boundary or bare minimum test. You may set a boundary and see how they react to it or ask them to meet certain expectations (usually the bare minimum). For example, you may say you cannot go out one night when you’re usually always available because you’re tired, or you might ask them to text you when they get home one night if you usually don’t. If they lash out in rage or overstep your boundary, you know that at the very least you may be dealing with a toxic person who is not compatible with you. If they punish, stonewall, verbally abuse, or gaslight you when you ask for the bare minimum, or give you an ultimatum, you know that at the very least you are dealing with someone who cannot even meet basic standards of communication or accountability. You deserve more than toxic relationships. You deserve freedom, healing, and thriving.
