I Am Actually Living Carrie Bradshaw’s Life – But Here’s What’s Different

One of the most common complaints I see about Sex and the City is how “unrealistic” it is. And certainly, there are many unrealistic and problematic facets of the show. But the truth is, in 2016, I began living a life that was very similar to Carrie Bradshaw’s – kind of. I am a twenty-something writer who lives alone in Manhattan, in a dream penthouse apartment with a doorman and even a (albeit far smaller than Carrie’s!) walk-in closet. I went through a lot of challenges to get to where I am today. But unlike Carrie, I left my Mr. Big for good.

I’ve never had a delightfully salacious banner on a bus, but my income comes from my words alone as an author and self-made woman enjoying my life in New York. And while I am not technically a “sex columnist,” I do write about dating, relationships, sex (occasionally) and of course, the topic I am most passionate about speaking about because it affects millions of people around the world – relationships with narcissists and psychopaths.

Of course, there are huge differences between Carrie Bradshaw and me (aside from the fact that she owns more glamorous shoes). First of all, I am a woman of color, so I’ve had to navigate structural inequalities and the adversity that comes with those of my whole life.

From Adversity to Triumph

The life I lead now and the environment around me now looks very different from the way my life was in the past. There’s a lot more peace, freedom, abundance, and safety to the life I’ve created for myself after these trials and tribulations. Once I became financially independent and followed my authentic dreams, I escaped chaotic situations – and found myself in unbelievably amazing ones.

Leave Your Mr. Big and Pursue Your Dreams

Like Carrie, I’ve had my share of emotionally unavailable men. I’ve also had my share of adventurous dates and epic romances, as well as some whirlwind courtships. And…a few “Mr. Bigs.”

And so, here’s the thing about Mr. Big. He’s charismatic, but he’s also an emotionally unavailable and toxic character with some serious issues. Yet he’s been glorified and romanticized to the point where young women who idealize the relationship between him and Carrie have internalized this idea that love is pain.

(Fun fact: I actually have met Chris Noth, the actor who played Mr. Big, at a local Starbucks and asked him to autograph my copy of Dante’s Inferno because I didn’t have anything else for him to autograph. He told me Purgatory was better.)

See, Carrie stayed with her Mr. Big. I left all of mine.

So instead of the tumultuous fairytale romance, I chose to create my own happy ending. I chose the potential for happiness and healthy love over a toxic relationship.

Once I freed myself from the shackles of partners and people who tried to deter me from following my dreams and becoming all that I could be, I opened myself up to a new and abundant life of infinite possibilities.

Now I get to wake up and enjoy the beautiful floor to ceiling views of the city and the water in my apartment – in a city I went to school in but never imagined living in the heart of. I can enjoy the breeze of the wind on the rooftop of my building. I can sit in my resident’s lounge by the pool and write, peacefully.

Rather than catering to the needs of toxic people I can breathe in deeply, meditate, dance around, and I can spend time taking care of myself. I can attend a yoga class in my building’s gym while watching the sun set, or jog on the treadmill while staring at skyscrapers in the distance. I can go out with girlfriends or enjoy a night in – without having to answer to anyone.

Like Carrie, I can walk around taking in the beauty of Manhattan in uncomfortable but gorgeous heels – or, more realistically, some cozy flats. I am beyond grateful for the luxury and joy that I am able to experience now – especially after tackling many challenges.

But now I know I am worthy of all that life has to offer. And so are you, reader, however browbeaten or torn down you might feel right now. You are absolutely deserving of chasing your dreams and having them come to life, no matter what you’ve gone through.

You are more than enough, and you are so valuable. There is a beautiful life possible for you after overcoming any obstacles that might come your way. There are miracles awaiting you, wherever you are now, and whoever you are. Whether you want to be a writer or a singer or a professional chef, or a kickass mama. Know that everything and anything is possible. Know that you are capable of creating whatever it is your soul longs for and desires.

If you’re in a toxic relationship right now, just know that there is a better life possible for you. You are worthy of the happiness that life has to offer. You are deserving of healthy love and self-love. You are worthy of infinite abundance and success. You will be okay by yourself. In fact, who knows what you can accomplish when there’s no one stopping you?

There is an even bigger (pun intended) and more beautiful life ahead of you after experiencing your own Mr. Big. So don’t be afraid to take the leap, to take the risk of paving your own path back to freedom. Don’t be afraid of doing it alone (or with some fabulous girlfriends) either. In the words of the famous sex columnist herself, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.”