When its better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission:
- Getting up to go to the rest room on a plane right before or after take off – You just get up and get there as fast as you can.
- Going to dinner with your old boyfriend – So your friends with your ex? Your new boyfriend might not understand that. I’m not saying lie. I’m saying go to dinner and then tell the truth if he asks.
- Dating your friends ex – I know this is a questions that plagues people. My advice: I say go for it. You can always find new friends, but if you think this person could be your potential life partner, the opportunity cost of foregoing him is too high.
- Doing anything in the bedroom – Scared to put “it” someplace or lick somewhere? Be confident and take a risk because going for it is better than killing the mood by asking for permission. You two (or three) can talk it out later.
- Using the men’s room when there’s a huge line for the ladies room – You be that girl who takes charge of her bladder. Worst case scenario you get a few stares of disgust (but we all know it was worth it).
- Buying a person something not on their official gift registry – Ok, so I know you wanted the shit you picked out but this is MY money and frankly you should just be thrilled I showed up.
- Hosting a dinner party and finding out at the last minute that some of your guests have food allergies or special food needs – Those “special” guests can go fuck themselves. If you have food issues how about you bring a protein bar in your purse and you can eat that while everyone else enjoys the $40 steaks I cooked. This is my house you’re in.
- Making your own samples at Sephora – The only workers slower and more negligent than Sephora workers are the cashiers at H&M. You open those bins below the make-up displays and you make your own fucking sample. Ain’t nobody got time to wait 20 minutes for Sally Sue to mosey on over and fill up a .0001 oz cup with foundation.
- Taking someone’s laundry out of a communal laundry machine – They only thing that can possibly make doing laundry any worse is having to sit by a machine for 25 minutes waiting for someone to come get there shit out of it. I don’t care if I have to put a plastic bag on the ground and lay it on top, your shit is coming out and mine is going in.
- Going up before your table is called at a buffet style banquet party – I hate this. I’m starving to death and it’s your fault for sitting me at the last table to get called for food. I’m going up and eating. Deal with it.
When it’s its better to ask for permission than beg for forgiveness:
- Doing something that might be considered cheating – Watching porn, having a girl-on-girl kiss for fun at a party, having a random facebook message pen pal with the outset sex? These are gray areas that should be discussed with your partner.
- Showing up to a bikini wax with your period –Its simple, you just need to call and tell them about the situation. Some estheticians are cool with it while some aren’t. You should let them decide.
- Telling someone you have a contagious STD before you sleep with them – This is someone you should disclose for obvious health (and moral) reasons. Worst case they run away, best case they have one too and you spend the night in each other arms (or something like that).
- Finding out if the doctor you’re going to see is “in network” – I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. I use to think I could talk my way out of anything until I met my match on the other end up a phone call to Blue Cross Blue Shield.
- Moving your seat on a plane so you can sit next to your friend – Ok so you need to switch seats to be next to your friend? Don’t just take my seat because when I show up to sit down and see you in my seat I’m going freak out. At this point when you look up at me with sad eyes and say “ can I please sit here and you can have my seat” , I’m already too pissed off to hear the words coming out of your mouth. You need to wait until I sit down (in MY seat) and then approach nicely and ask.