10 Jobs You Should Hire Only Ugly Girls To Do

You know what that say. Never hire a pretty girl to go an ugly girl’s job. Well, actually maybe that’s not what they say. Maybe it’s just something I made up. But, either way, it’s true. The following are jobs you should make sure never to hire hot women to do:

1. Nurse

Everyone looks like shit when they are admitted to the hospital. The last thing you want to be face-to-face with is someone you want to fuck or someone you would die to look like. (Pun intended. Get it? “Die to look like,” and you’re in a hospital? OK, done now.)

2. Marriage counselor

You want your husband thinking about trying to have sex with you again. Not about having you, him, and the councilor star in the made-up porno in his mind, Three-Way to a Better Marriage.

3. Wedding planner

If you actually made it through the movie The Wedding Planner, this one shouldn’t come as a shock. Just because someone sucks at acting doesn’t mean they didn’t make an excellent point. (If it’s too late and you’ve already hired a hot wedding planner, ask if she gives discounts if you fiancé sleeps with her or refunds if he falls in love with her.)

4. Middle school teacher

Being a teenager is challenging enough. You don’t need to make things any “harder” on them.

5. Any job that requires them to be at work before 7am

Everyone looks like shit at in the morning, even hot girls. So go with ugly from the start. That way, you already know what to expect when they show up bright and early.

6. IT professional

Have you ever seen a bunch of IT nerds hanging out with some really hot girls? Exactly! You don’t want to cripple their work efforts with unnecessary distraction.

7. Telemarketer

If hot girls aren’t getting attention, they get bitchy. And nobody wants to take a call from a maybe-hot (but I’m not really sure because I can’t you’re your face), bitchy telemarketer.

8. Bridesmaid

OK. Although this isn’t a paid position, selection is crucial (for obvious reasons). If you have only hot friends, you’re screwed.

9. Your son’s math tutor

Not only would her beauty be distracting from his learning, but chances are she has no fucking clue what she’s even talking about. (Well, unless she’s Asian.)

10. Your husband’s secretary

I think it should be a commonly accepted social practice that all women are allowed to interview and hire their husbands’ office staff. (Oh, and interns. We can’t forget about those interns.)