It’s Okay If You Don’t Forgive Me

For such a long time, I didn’t know what I did wrong. I knew that our friendship had come to an abrupt halt but it wasn’t the first time this has happened. You used to run away all the time, you would say horrible things about me when we were in these phases of not being friends. I never had any issue taking you back, even treating you like family.

I did my best to make sure that you were okay all the time. I sacrificed friendships, strained relationships with family members, and didn’t listen to anyone about you. I would be the one to apologize to you, though. I would try to make our friendship back to what it was before, and you would come back. I soon realized you would only come back when it’s convenient, though.

I’ve heard about some of the things you have to say about me now, though. I’ve heard about the words you put in my mouth, the things you claim I’ve done, and how horrible I supposedly treated you. This time, I’m not apologizing, and it’s okay if you don’t forgive me.

You don’t need to forgive me, because this time, I’m not sorry.

I don’t need your forgiveness, you dug your own grave, and you get to lie in it. Not only do I not need your forgiveness this time around, but I also don’t want it. I don’t want forgiveness from someone with such a dark heart. I used to believe there was good in everyone, but you, you make me question it.

You put everything on a broken past, claiming the world has beaten you down and broken you. The truth is you’re a perpetual victim. You love being the victim in every story you tell, somehow everyone in your life has wronged you. I feel bad for the current people in your life. I’ve watched you take several close friends and trade them in for what’s maybe just a little bit better.

When the option wasn’t better, you would make the original person think they did something wrong to you. When they weren’t apologizing, you’d drag their name for the mud. I see through you and know what type of person you are. You aren’t a good person, and I find it hard to believe there was ever actually any good in you.

Anything you say, and anything you do, you do for yourself. You do it to help yourself, and I doubt you’ve ever cared about anyone but yourself. The lies have always spewed out of your mouth. It’s reached a point of almost being humorous. You make people feel like they’re not good enough, and I never thought I’d genuinely say this about someone, but you’re the one that’s not good enough.

I don’t care if you don’t forgive me for writing this, because I’m speaking my truth. Maybe there are some people in your life that you’re good enough for, but they’re the ones that are just like you. They’re manipulative and only care about themselves. In that case, I would say that you deserve each other. You aren’t worth my apology.

This time, I’m not crawling back with some apology for some unknown reason. I’m not going to say I’m sorry for something I don’t need to apologize for. You never apologize for your wrongs, but in your eyes, you never see anything you do as wrong. You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and it took me far too long to see that.

I would always apologize for somehow hurting you. For years I thought I was the one damaging you. I never looked and realized you were the one hurting me, and everyone around you. You didn’t care, though. You never cared, you only cared about yourself, and that’s all you’ll ever care about.

So, no. I won’t apologize. Any apology I’ve given in the time since our friendship has broken, you weren’t worthy of. It’s okay if you don’t forgive me. The only person that needs to forgive me in regard to you and me, is me. I need to forgive myself for ever putting up with the stream of your bullshit. It’s okay if you don’t forgive me, because I will forgive myself, and I’ll be better than I ever was with you in my life.

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Love yourself. It's worth it. Follow Sarah on Instagram or read more articles from Sarah on Thought Catalog.

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