Someone once told me that it is better to find someone who loves you more than you love them.
I spent hours mulling over this idea.
I suppose, humans are intrinsically selfish by nature, so maybe life would be better if your significant other loved you more. You’d probably feel great, they’d put in more effort and whilst you did love them, you’d get more.
And that’s what we spend our entire lives chasing isn’t it? More. More money, more happiness, more adventure, more friends, more likes.
And if our whole life is spent chasing for that more, then maybe love should be the one thing that remains untarnished in this world.
Because if you look for someone who loves you more, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of love?
Because isn’t love the most selfless emotion there is?
At least, that’s the ideal.
The truth, the raw truth, is that when you love more, it’s so damn painful.
And it’s so hard because you love him. He makes you happy and all you want to do is to be with him. But it gets harder and harder each time. You smile when he’s there but you can feel the dull ache in your chest that threatens to rise up behind your eyes and down your cheeks.
And the reality is, you can’t stop yourself from loving him. Even when the dull ache gives you sleepless nights and swollen, red eyes in the morning. That’s the irony isn’t it, love is so pure but it can be so damn painful.
And the thing is: you will see it in the way he places you second while he’s your first. You will see it in the way he hears you but he listens to other people. You will see it in the way he’s excited to see you but you’re ecstatic to see him.
You will see it in all the little things. Things you let slide time and time again, because they are nearly unnoticeable. Nearly.
But most importantly, you will see it in the way he says, “I love you”.
And that will be what kills you.