Before You Break Up With Them, Read This

If you have clicked on this article, there is probably a reason for it. Maybe you have been feeling a disconnect from your partner for a while. Maybe you feel that your relationship is not headed anywhere. Maybe they cheated. Maybe you did. Maybe the honeymoon stage has faded into a life of monotony and repetitiveness.

But ask yourself this if you feel like ending the relationship: Are you thinking of leaving this person because of genuine reasons or the “grass is greener” mentality?

Now, I am not here to discourage a genuinely unhealthy relationship from ending. If your soul constantly feels tired and you have poured everything you have into this relationship, then your reasons are valid. The same goes for abusive and toxic partnerships—staying with such people is never justified.

I am talking about a relationship that may have turned stale in your eyes or lacks the shine you once felt—a relationship that is filled with growing arguments and disagreements due to insignificant problems. It is a fact that us humans crave what we cannot have by nature: It is hardwired into our desires.

Sometimes we self-sabotage because we refuse to tackle our problems head on.

Imagine seeing a decadent dessert sitting in a glass fridge in a French restaurant on your holiday that you wish to try. Your mouth salivates at the very sight of it. One night, you decide to try it. You fall in love with this dessert. And so you return to the same restaurant the following night to order it again. And again. And again.

Very soon, your tastebuds become acquired to the taste of this delicacy, and you return to the restaurant once more to cast your eyes upon another dessert, so you eagerly try this new dessert.

The pattern repeats.

The first dessert you tried will not change—it is still made of the same quality ingredients. It will still melt on the tongue of anyone who tries it, but the way you viewed it changed because you became used to its taste, its texture. Your first bite was met with appreciation but after the tenth time, you began to feel less satisfied and a little sick to your stomach.

The “grass is greener” mentality is taking your loved one for granted while thinking of the possibility of someone better for you out there. But this train of thinking is endless, and it can cause unnecessary pain and heartbreak.

You are not perfect. You have flaws, too. But your partner has chosen to overlook these because they chose you. It is important to think about this among a world where disposability is endorsed and they tell us the next best thing is right around the corner, when in most cases, it really isn’t.

So, if deep down you were looking for a sign to try again, this is it.

If you are having more arguments, instead of dismissing your partner and viewing your relationship as a dead end, find out why you both feel conflicted and try to fix it. Talk about the negative stuff less, go for more walks, rekindle your romance with date nights, and engage in technology-free outings to your favorite natural places.

If that spark has faded, you must realize this is a natural part of long-term relationships. But does this person still cook you dinner? Do they tell you how much they love you? Do they bring you chocolates when you’re feeling upset? Do they make the effort to ask about your day and sit with you while the world feels a little too heavy?

Weigh all the factors and make the choice you feel is most right for you.

You need to dig deep to find out why you feel the way you feel. Maybe, your perception of a perfect relationship has been influenced by Disney movies and steamy on-screen kisses. Maybe your thoughts have arisen from trauma or attachment issues that you have yet to confront because it is just too painful and messy.

Maybe the idea of breaking up seems easier when it really makes more sense to nurture the remains of a beautiful relationship that has been thrown in the fire too many times.

Try and remember what made you fall in love with this person in the first place.

Maybe this is your second chance at something really amazing.

Author and poet writing about the dark and the light.

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