I don’t know if we’ve all been there. But I know I have. In love… on accident – knowing you shouldn’t have let it start in the first place. Maybe he’s wrong for you, maybe your situation’s going to change, maybe you come from two different worlds, two different families, two different religions.
Whatever the case may be, you never planned to fall for him, and yet now, months down the line- your heart is so engulfed in love that you know the only way out is earth-shattering heartbreak.
A friend asked for my advice, when she explained the situation, hoping I’d give her reassurance that she wasn’t absolutely insane. I knew she loved him, and I knew that she knew he wasn’t ready for it.
She loved him. She loved him despite the months she had gone so un-phased by him. She loved him, despite never having loved anyone before.
The thing is, when you’re in a situation that has to do with your heart, you can only be certain of one thing – it will never make sense.
Nine times out of 10 we know exactly what we “should” do. We most definitely know what we’d say to a friend. In fact, we’d probably judge the shit out of our acquaintances. But all of that gets thrown right out the window when you’re in the pit of it.
When you’re in love it doesn’t matter how much it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t matter how unreasonable or unrealistic it is to the whole world – and maybe even to your better judgment.
All that matters is that you’ve grown to understand another human in a way that no one else understands him. You’ve grown to adore his idioms as stupid as they may be to everyone else.
You’ve learned to fall asleep to the sound of his voice over the phone. You’ve found the exact crevice between his shoulder and chest where your head nestles perfectly – like a puzzle piece. You’ve even become accustomed to each other’s somewhat cutesy texts and ridiculous memes.
So when she asked me what she should do – when she told me he wasn’t ready- and that he wouldn’t give her everything that she wanted because he “didn’t want her falling too hard, knowing he couldn’t fulfill her.” When she brushed over the months they had dedicated to each other.
When she told me the thought of losing him made her fall apart. There was only one piece of advice I could give.
I told her to stay because to leave him now when her heart wasn’t ready would only force her wounds open before she was ready to heal.
To walk away from him when there were no problems, no fights, no reasons she could hold on to would only make it that much easier to run back to him when he came running back to her.
It wasn’t the logical advice you always hear; it may not have been the smartest. But it was the most honest.
Because some chapters – no matter how painful, just have to end when there are no words left on the page.
Sometimes we have to allow our temporary soul mates to fulfill their purpose in our lives before we’re ready to let them go – and we’re never ready to let them go… But eventually your heart gets tired, and your body feels numb, and the words hold less meaning.
And letting go may not be easier, but suddenly it becomes necessary.
The truth is, some loves are too good to lose – at least by choice. So maybe… just maybe, if the love has an expiration, we can allow it to expire. On its own terms, in its own way, when our bodies are finally prepared to break and heal.