A Girl With Social Anxiety Develops A Crush

God & Man

You caught my eye.

More than twenty of us crammed into this dimly-lit garage, but somehow I was drawn to you, specifically. You all quiet. You all baggy jeans. You all band t-shirt, and bored out expression, and easy-going smile.

This isn’t to say I’m an expert in spotting interesting people. In fact we’ve already went an entire night without noticing each other because our paths and our conversations never really crossed. But later on I was picking on the hem on my skirt when I felt someone’s gaze picking me apart.

To be honest I’m not quite sure if you were even looking at me or looking through me. I don’t know you that well after all. Maybe you just like to stare at empty spaces and mistook me for one.

I didn’t mind, though. By that time I would’ve befriended a fly on the wall if it let me. Fortunately, I didn’t need to resort to that because we suddenly found ourselves sitting on the same couch.

How almost natural it felt to speak with you! It didn’t help you had the kindest eyes. Auburn so warm I could almost feel the sea-breeze from home, could almost melt like an ice cream cone in summer.

My lips went through the rehearsed motions – smiling, greeting, probing questions. Act interested, but not too interested. Act friendly, but not too much. Unfold my arms in case it seems like my body language is copying you. Observe from my peripheral vision in case yours is copying me.

A shot of gin to calm the nerves. A shot of rum to shake off the over-thinking. A bite to the tongue for a self-deprecating joke which slipped past my throat that may not have been received as chill as I intended it to be.

Social anxiety or not I can tell when someone takes an interest in me. Humans subconsciously give each other social cues and signs. And holy shit were the signs pointing straight in my direction.

Or were they?

It began when you caught my eye.

Or maybe it never began at all. Maybe it’s just the lonely in me talking. Maybe it’s just the over-analyzing. Maybe it’s just the ego.

Sigh, I don’t know.

You’re still real cute though. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog