An all-time favorite quote of mine is from Richard Bach, who says, “Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.” It’s a perfect summary, because life is whatever perspective you have on it, and special people have this fantastic ability to make you see that same picture from a whole new angle. That’s what makes them so endearing—they help you see the world through new eyes. But they didn’t become that way overnight.
Most spiritual blossoming comes after the soul has been ripped apart. We give ourselves wholly to another, watering the garden of love every day, but for some reason, the weeds and ivy still manage to get through and destroy the beauty of it all. So you sit, and you cry, you wallow and you mourn. You wonder if you could’ve done more. Or if, somewhere along the way, you went wrong. Others who’ve also suffered such loss sometimes become so frustrated that they simply throw themselves from one love to another, only to make those same futile mistakes again. They never learn.
But the ones who stay on the path of solitude are different. It may be tough and take them a while, but it’s a guarantee that they find solace from the pain. No matter who they are or what they’ve been through, they come out the other side a better version of themselves. They become who they’ve always wanted to be. And one day, when they meet another who has also walked this same journey, they realize why being alone was worth the perseverance.
Here’s why you become stronger by staying single after a hard breakup.
1) You rediscover the old you
Of course, along the path of solidarity, the first location you’ll search for is where you were before they broke your heart. You have to start somewhere, so why not retrace your steps back to the person you used to be? After all, that person had many interests that kept them happy whilst they were alone. Remembering that person will serve you well because you’ll have a foundation in which to begin making a bigger and better version of yourself now. Once you’ve reached that place and rebuilt the walls, you’ll soon wonder what else you can achieve. And that’s when things really start to change.
2) You form a positive nature
Once you’ve licked your wounds for a certain amount of time, you remember that there’s a lot more to life than your old relationship. Appreciation for the smaller things is where it begins, and soon, it grows into a yearning to discover more. This newfound ambition is the formation of a new and improved positive outlook. And once it’s ingrained in you to be that way, there’s no going back.
3) You grow resilient to negativity
People’s bad vibes are never welcoming. Who wants to be around misery all the time? No one. By patiently allowing yourself to ride through the pain, you realize that life is short. It must not be wasted on people or things that will only bring sadness. A sense of compassion will allow you to weigh up what is fixable and what is not. And if it’s not, you’ll be able to walk away knowing you made the right decision.
4) You learn to say “yes!”
Keeping yourself entertained when you’re single is made easier when you try new things. It’s revolutionary to finally embark on a side of yourself that has been previously neglected. Whether it’s because you’ve always wanted to try it and your old relationship made it impossible to do so or you’ve never even considered it but now you’re free then, why not? You’re going to love this new learning curve. Not only does it mean that you greet every opportunity that comes knocking, but you inevitably discover new things about yourself, too.
5) You make wiser choices
Silence is golden, as they say. And with this stillness comes a time to sit back and reflect on all of your past decisions. Whether they turned out well or ended up as regrettable mistakes, everything suddenly becomes clear to you. Without even giving it a second thought, you now know the answers to all the complicated matters that used to go round and round in your head. And now all the decisions you make in the present come far more quickly to you. It’s amazing how much simpler life becomes when you develop peace of mind.
6) You gain confidence
Undoubtedly, a tough split will knock the stuffing out of you. No matter your physical strength or determination to carry on, you just can’t help but feel beaten. However, after a certain amount of time, you tend to get pretty bored with hiding away and being miserable about everything. You soon decide to pick yourself up and say, “Fuck it! Today’s a new day.” Life, and all the things within it, become doable again. Big or small, you’ll just go for it. Because once you’ve been to the bottom, the only way is up, right?
7) You become more independent
An undoubted consequence of being single for a long period of time is that you gain independence. Every day’s goals are structured around things you’ve created. By taking the time to get to know yourself again, you’ve ascertained what makes you tick. You know your limits, and you know that if you want to do something, you sometimes have to go at it alone. But that’s okay. Because being independent creates self-assurance. And now you’re comfortable in your own skin again, the world is your oyster.
It goes without saying that there are many good reasons to take some time out for yourself after a sticky end to a relationship. Every individual’s experience will be different, and some will take longer than others. But no matter who you are, how old you are or where you are in life, I have every faith that you will go through all of the transitions mentioned above if you just give yourself a chance.
Have faith and be proactive. You’re more awesome than you know.