10 Immutable Laws Of The Universe

1. The real answers to your intractable problems aren’t sexy.

Because real change isn’t sexy. Real change usually happens gradually and takes a lot of hard work. Even those “overnight transformations” required gradual changes in thought and behavior that were brewing beneath the surface. Solutions either require time, energy, or sacrifice, and mostly always require all three.

2. Your mind isn’t looking for solutions, it’s looking for rest.

Your mind masquerades as a problem-solving machine, and your constant stream of thoughts seems to pave your path to liberation. But my dear squirrel, it’s not doing any of that. It’s just harassing you all day. What your mind actually wants is not a solution to global poverty or answers to your boyfriend’s sketchy behavior (although, mister BF, can you tell me why you keep following Instagram models when you have ME, 5 feet of flawless goodness?!). Anywhoozle, your mind is looking for a place to finally rest. Give it that—give it rest.

3. Nothing changes until you make changes.

Wishland is a fun as shit place, and I like to spend time there too. Especially the fucking Ferris wheel! Wee! But unfortunately, wishes only exist in the playground of your mind, where you are free to conjure up whatever you’d like to feel and whatever you’d like to see. If you want to see your dreams come true in real life, you have to change something: your perspective, your habits, your typical ways of existing in the world. There is no change possible unless there are changes made.

3. Love is either there or it isn’t.

There is no such thing as gradations of love. You can’t love someone “a little” or love someone “a lot”. Either you love them or you don’t. Love is on or off, there or not. And if it’s there, it will always be there. Years will pass and people will change, but love never disappears. Stop kidding yourself, thinking you’ll fall in love with someone eventually. If you don’t love them by now, you never will. But don’t tell them, I don’t love you now and never will. Much too honest. Instead, give them the typical Millennial/Gen Z courtesy: Tell them you need some time and then just never call them again.

4. True love is mysterious.

We can’t choose who we love or why we love them. Wouldn’t life be easier if we could? If we could just say, This person is right for me, therefore I’m going to love them. Haven’t you already tried to do that? Love doesn’t work that way. We are victims of love; we are captives of love. We aren’t architects of it.

5. You are only rich when you are free.

If you are wealthy but afraid of losing what you have, you are poor. You are a slave to your salary, your belongings, your lifestyle. You are poor when you covet what you have and when you cling to it.

6. Others only feel our love for them when we accept them completely.

You may love someone with all of your heart and all of your soul, but unless they feel that your love would be there no matter what—despite lost jobs, weight gained, phases of persistent depression—they won’t feel your love at all. If they can’t feel your love through the bad times, they will never feel your love through the good times. They’ll just feel temporary relief followed by anxiety. They’ll feel anxious and insecure that the love will be lost when life inevitably puts them through the ringer. They’ll be anticipating the loss of your love every time they turn the corner.

7. Likewise, we can only feel love when we feel valued just as we are, because we are.

When we feel like there are expectations of us or conditions placed upon us, we are barred from feeling love. These can be self-imposed limitations, like feeling as though you have to be absolutely perfect to be in a relationship or feeling like you have to be a provider for your family to be useful. Love in this situation, again, becomes anxiety; we fear that if we stop doing the things expected of us, we will lose love. Fear and insecurity are the ultimate threats to love and the greatest impediments to feeling it.

8. You are the only one who will save you.

Even if you are critically depressed, you are the only one who will save yourself. You will agree to see the therapist. You will agree to make the changes. Stop waiting for your ex to come back, for your job to improve, for your bank account to grow, or for your fate to change. Get off your ass and save yourself. You are worthy of being saved. You’re going to do it yourself, and you’re going to feel unstoppable because of it.

Why would you want it to be any different? Why would you want to be some feeble creature, all poor me, waiting for someone else to clear your path? Clear that fucking path yourself. Then when you look for someone to thank, you can thank yourself.

9. You are the creator of everything in your life.

You are the writer, actor, and director all at once. You get to choose who you are and where you go. If you’re already protesting, realize that you’re creating your own protest. You’re being a weak little bitch about it. And you’re allowing that weak bitch ass voice to steer the wheel of your life. Is that what you want? Some distracted and defiant squirrel at the wheel? Or do you want to decide where the fuck you’re going? We already agreed that you’re going to save yourself, so take this a step further and commit to creating the best possible life for yourself while you’re at it.

10. You will lose everything.

Sorry to be the one to tell you. But you will lose everyone you love, everything you own, everything you’ve ever cherished. Why? Because if you haven’t heard, you will die. You have approximately a week to live, maybe a year, maybe 50 years. I don’t know how long you have to live—I’m not God. I’m a stranger from the internet who has never met you. But I know you’ll die. And you will lose everything when you do.

So cherish every second of your life. Cherish every person you have ever come across. Stop gossiping and talking shit about people. Like, what the fuck is that kindergarten bullcrap about? Mind your own business. Be busy being happy. Stop caring about which Instagram filter to use or which Snapchat to send or how many pounds you need to lose or how much muscle you need to gain before you can feel alive. Stop putting your life on hold for conditions that don’t matter now and won’t matter in the end. Live your life, because you will lose it.

Again for the people in the back: One day, you will die. So be sure that you lived the way you wanted to live.