We’ve all had one.
He’s the boy we date to stick it to our parents during our rebellious phase, he’s the bad-boy in high school that we date in hopes of “changing” him, and he’s the guy in college with whom we’re simply “keeping it casual”.
“Oh, it’s not like I plan on marrying him,” we say in our own defense when our friends point out how we’re so not compatible, how we could do so much better.
“He’s just Mr. Right Now.”
You all nod in agreement.
Like your trendy Forever 21 stilettos that “are so in this season”, he has a shelf life – and you know it. You know that when the seasons change, he will suddenly not fit you so well, and you’ll be wondering why you had him in the first place. “Well,” you’ll remind yourself, “at least I didn’t invest too much”. And he will be thrown in the back of your closet to meet the skeletons of all the past Mr. Right Nows. You’ll shudder once the evidence of them resurfaces, be it in Facebook photos or just once you declutter your emotional closet.
Here are 6 reasons why you should drop Mr. Right Now like he’s hot (yes, even if he’s hot):
1. Lonely? He’ll only make it worse.
When we’re lonely, our minds trick us into believing some really insane things.
“We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry” – Unknown
We convince ourselves that it would be better to have someone than to have no one. This false desperation encourages us to have flings just for a short-term fix. But a mere physical connection is like saltwater for loneliness – it comes awfully close to water, but it will only leave you thirstier.
2. Bored? It’s not a fun game to play.
He may not be playing a game, or he may be playing a bigger game. There’s nothing quite as painful as the sting of heartbreak, and likewise, there’s nothing worse than accidentally breaking someone’s heart. For you, it may have been fun and games; for him, it may have been the real deal. The guy you’re casually seeing might be drawing pictures of your wedding and future children… or, maybe you’ve already changed your last name to his, while he’s just changed his number.
3. Too many things in life suck, and love should never be one of them.
Too much casual dating will taint your rose-tinted glasses to a bitter black, and you will begin to settle, thinking a 10PM “booty-call” is all there is. So here’s a friendly reminder: Love is not mundane. Love is magical. It always has been, and it always will be. “Netflix and chill” is not a thing. It should never, ever have been a thing. Woe betide the poor soul who uses the words “Netflix” and “chill” in succession.
4. You are wasting your time, and that is the ultimate crime you can commit against yourself, especially as a young person.
Your most valuable asset is not your ability to be a seductress – it’s time, and it is a finite resource. Yes, you can easily prove your feminine powers by luring in prey after prey with your innocent doe eyes. But frankly, what you desire (even if you are too brainwashed by the casual dating crisis to see it), is a true connection – a feeling of being home, not feeling like your self-worth depends on how many heads you turn. And dallying around with Mr. Right Now will only sidetrack you from your quest to attain that which you truly want.
5. Spend that precious time creating yourself rather than filling a void.
Ah, nothing like the sweet taste of distraction to numb a confused 20-something mind. Just like drugs, alcohol, the Internet, [insert personal vice here], casual dating is a distraction in disguise. If you are unsure about your future, if you are confused about life or are just generally perplexed about how the universe works, dating someone simply for fun will not help you – it will only hinder you. You need to have a solid foundation upon which to build any relationship, and toying with others whilst standing on a wobbly stool will only lead to your demise.
6. Lowering your standards will only lower people’s behavior around you.
This especially applies to intimate relationships, and is perhaps the most important point. You teach people how to treat you, as the old adage goes. It has surprisingly little to do with their character, and it has everything to do with yours. If your actions are flaunting an “I don’t value myself enough to wait for something real” mentality, that is precisely what you will get, if not worse.
P.S. Don’t know if he’s Mr. Right? Then he’s not Mr. Right. Sure, give it 3 dates (or “hangouts” as we call it these days) but after that – cut it off and cut him out. Open-heart surgery is always risky, but it’s better to remove a tumor before it spreads.