It’s 4 a.m. and I am still lying in my bed thinking about you. Missing you more than ever. Wishing you were right here beside me.
It’s 4 a.m. and you occupy my mind and my heart even when you’re miles away. Wondering if I ever cross your mind the same way you cross mine once or twice every minute of the day. Thinking whether you’re still holding on to what we had or not anymore. Wondering whether you pay visits to our previous memories too and smile at them or not.
I told you that I am over you, but that was a lie. I told you that I never want to see your face again, but damn it that was another lie. I told you that I hate you and this was the biggest lie of all. I told you that you mean nothing to me, but not even one bit of that was true.
Maybe it’s too late for us right now. Maybe our egos got the best of us this time. Maybe we ended up hurting each other more than actually loving each other, but we realized that when it was too late for us. Or maybe it wasn’t meant to be all along from the beginning, but we just failed to see it from the start.
Maybe our story ended too soon. Maybe the ending was the worst of all. But you know what? All of that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that I miss you in every single possible way but you’re not here anymore. I miss how things used to be between us. I miss the little things the most. I miss your voice, your sarcastic comments, and the way you used to roll your eyes at things sometimes. I miss our inside jokes. I miss our deep conversations, and I miss our random talks.
I wish you could know what I feel right now and that everything I said wasn’t true. But the saddest part is that you will probably never get the chance to know. You will never get to know what you truly meant to me. You will never get to know what I still feel towards you and what I miss the most about you.
I couldn’t say this to you face to face, so I decided to just write it down, because I realized that we never got to say a proper goodbye and we never got our closure. And I believe that everyone deserves closure and everyone deserves to say a proper goodbye. Because it doesn’t have to be such an ugly ending. I refuse to let it end this way.