This Is How You Love An Insecure Woman

Toa Heftiba
Toa Heftiba

Being called insecure is always used as one of the worst ways to criticize or hurt a woman–like being called “needy” or “crazy,” we get branded with this label because men cannot handle giving a little bit more in a relationship, or having to mature and accept that we are not always the “cool girl” who will down ten shots and flash her tits.

We are talked down to and tarnished because we feel pain, because we have been hurt multiple times and somewhere along the way just accepted that we are less than, not as deserving, not worthy.

We are forever comparing ourselves to the perfect women on the TV, in the magazines and those filtered photo- shopped selfies on Instagram and wondering why in the hell we weren’t born with a body or a face like that (truth is, no one is!). And not only that, with social media allowing us to delve into your pasts, we get to compare ourselves to your exes and hear stories about your sexual history before we came along and we are constantly living in this spiral of comparisons.

Truth is, being insecure does not make someone a terrible girlfriend, it does not make her “exhausting” or “unfixable” or “too much hard work.” It makes her human, it makes her a product of her environment and experiences and makes her want to be the best that she can be.

Loving an insecure woman quite simply means having a heart and learning to see the world through her eyes. And I’m not saying it will be easy, I am not saying the fears will always be rational, but to her they are the most real thing in the world; they are the truth.

So when she catches you staring at the long-legged, big breasted woman who passes you in the street and makes a comment or goes quiet before eventually finding the courage to tell you why she is withdrawn, do not belittle her, do not even deny it, quite simply tell her she is the only girl for you, that she is more beautiful than anyone who passes you.

When she questions you about your exes or tells you that it makes her uncomfortable to see that you are still friends or that you liked one of their selfies, do not lash out, do not call her “crazy” or “paranoid,” pull her in close and remind her how much you love her. Make her feel noticed, special and adored. Never use her insecurities against her; never make her feel bad for having them in the first place.

Because before you, someone made her doubt herself and her worth. Someone failed to compliment her on the days she needed it most and pushed her fears to one side, someone failed to stand up and be the man she needed, the man she deserved.

And in loving you, in trusting you will not be the same she is giving you a chance, a chance to prove that she is worthy, that her insecurities are not a deal-breaker, that someone will listen to her, reassure her and promise her that no matter how hard it gets you will not give up on her. You will pay attention to those quiet moments when her thoughts are somewhere else and pull her in close to press your lips to her head when all she needs is the feel of your skin against hers.

Insecure women are not “damaged” or “broken,” they have just been silenced by those who are not willing to listen or accept responsibility for shitty actions or quite simply say “sorry.” They are the brave ones, the ones who still accept love, still try to make things work, still hope to find someone worth trusting.
And more than that, they know how to love because they would never want anyone to feel the way they do. They would never want to chip away at a person. So love them back, love them for all of their beauty, their fearlessness, their courage.

Love them, even when they cannot love themselves, even when they push you away, even when it means serious conversations late into the night.

Love them, because being insecure is not the worst thing a woman can be. TC mark

Rose Goodman

Writer, Daydreamer, Coffee Addict

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