I Promise You This

I guess I expect a lot in relationships, and when those expectations aren’t met, I feel disappointed and betrayed. It’s unfair, especially when the person I’m dating isn’t aware of this mental checklist I’ve concocted over years of being treated poorly, or just dating the wrong but very lovely, guy.

I know what I want but that’s only because I know how much I give in a relationship.

I know I fight for what I love; I chase after the things that give me fireworks inside my belly. Things that make me feel alive and inspired. I do not give up on those special people who keep me up late at night because sleeping feels dull in comparison to drowning in thoughts about them.

If a spark is lit between me and another, I’ll want it to flicker forever; I’ll want to bask in the warmth of it. I willingly let myself burn.

So if I fall for you, if I utter those three words above the noise of my beating heart, I promise I’ll always fight for us, for you. Even when things get tough, even when we feel like giving up, even when you walk out the door because this argument isn’t getting us anywhere, I promise, I’ll never give up.

I promise I’ll always be honest, even if the honesty could break us. Even if the truth is harsh and unloving, I’ll give you it, because I’d expect the same in return.

I promise to hold no secrets in my heart, I promise to share it all with you.

I promise to always tell you when I’m mad or upset. I won’t say I’m fine and ignore you or be passive aggressive. I promise to be transparent; I promise to talk to you about everything.

But I also promise not to unleash all of my crazy thoughts on you when its 1am and you’ve had a hard day at work, I promise not to bring up things from the past to torment you with.

I promise to know what to tell you, and what should only be reserved for my girl friends. I promise I’ll always try to see what is my insecurities and paranoia, and what is real.

I promise I will not taint our love with ghosts from my past, from words spoken by other men. I promise not to let old wounds be opened. And I promise not to open yours.

I promise to let you have your own space. To not demand every single minute of your time, even if I want it.

I promise to not get jealous of the cute girl you’ve been friends with for years, I’ll talk clothes and Starbucks syrup flavors with her. I will not let my insecurities, plague your life.

I promise to try new things with you, even if it’s just Game Of Thrones, because I know you love it.

I promise to play video games and eat pizza with you, and I promise not to laugh when I kick your ass at a game of pool.

I promise to support every single decision you make, even if that decision takes you far away from me.

I promise to be your cheerleader, I promise to always be on your side.

I promise to hold you close and stroke your hair, even though you slap my hand away, I know you secretly love it, I know it soothes you, and I promise to do it whenever you’re sad, even if you won’t admit you are.

I promise to travel as far as our love demands, to be by your side. I promise to not let the distance stop us from being the best possible version of ourselves.

I promise to never give up on my dreams, I promise to always make you proud, I promise I’ll keep writing, even on the days when I feel like giving up. I’ll think of you standing there telling me to stop moping and start doing.

I promise to never give up, on anything.

But most importantly,
I promise to always love you because ever since that day I saw you, all blue eyes and a butterfly inducing smile, I knew you’d be important to me. I knew I’d eventually fall for you.

Some days, I even think I loved you before I met you, I think my heart was waiting for you all this time.

I promise it’ll be just me and you,
Forever,
For always.