Right now, I’m at the point where I’m getting used to feeling disappointment, sadness, and broken hearted. I was hurt by people’s lies, broken promises, betrayals, rejections, and I have tried to trust them. Many times, I was blaming on the universe; wondering about why this world is full of cruel people. But then, as I traveled through places and saw people live their life as it is, I knew that I was wrong.
Instead of blaming other people, I should forgive myself more.
I will forgive myself for coming back to the people who broke my trust after they did nothing to fix it. I should have embraced my self-worth and I should know to stop when they don’t appreciate my presence anymore. I should have more courage to walk away since they never see my battles or fight for them. They will not comprehend the hurt, because maybe after all this time, I was the only one who cares about the relationship. I should stop watering the dead roses and try to plant another one, in another garden.
I will forgive myself for putting high expectations on people. I should realize that I can’t change people to meet my own standards and I can’t expect them to always stay. I should always remember that people are temporary and I’m my own savior. People are too busy to save me and I should have the power to pick myself up. People might leave, but I stay as I am with or without them.
I will forgive myself because I’ve taken those sincere people for granted because I was too busy chasing the wrong ones. I should look closer at my surroundings and find those people who really care about me. I should appreciate those people who cherish my presence and for just being myself. Those people who never ask me to fight for them and they will fight for me too; the people who accept me unconditionally, whether I’m at my best or worst.
I will forgive myself for the guilty feeling inside every time I left people behind. Now, I realize that I should have the courage to tell the people if I no longer am comfortable being with them. I should let people know that I always have reasons to leave the relationships that no longer serve me becoming a better person. I shouldn’t make people wonder why I distance myself from them and they deserve to hear my explanations.
But, most of all, I will forgive myself for being the way I am.
I should forgive myself for how I let my heart be broken by my own expectations towards people. I forgive myself because I am always too hard on myself, and I want everything as perfect as it should be. I will forgive the mistakes I’ve done and those bad decisions that I made.
I should stop blaming myself for those relationships which didn’t work out; I should stop trying to fix anything that has been broken in the first place. I will forgive myself for how I always compare my life to others, how I’ve taken the granted all the blessings I had, and on how I hate my flaws instead of loving them.
From now on, when life turns against me, I will love myself more. I won’t blame myself for something that doesn’t go as planned, I won’t say that I’m stupid if I fall in love with the wrong person, and I won’t regret every decision I choose to make.
I will embrace my mistakes and try my best not to do it again. Maybe I was the one who broke my own promises, maybe people expected me to fight for them, but I fought for other people instead, or maybe I was the one who broke people’s hearts. But, I think it’s okay. Simply because humans make mistakes and we shouldn’t blame ourselves for being human as long as we try our best to be a better person.
At the end of the day, maybe I will never be good enough for everyone, but I know that I will always be enough for myself.