I know that you always try so hard to keep the relationships in your life intact. I know you don’t want to lose certain people or give up on them or live without them. I know you hate having to part ways with someone you once shared your innermost secrets with. I know you dread being so close to someone and then turn them into a stranger again but it always takes two. It shouldn’t be your job to keep it all together. You shouldn’t be the only one pulling all the strings to accommodate them. You shouldn’t blame yourself for what you should have done better or how you should have behaved, because the people who truly want to be in your life will not constantly push you away. The people who truly are afraid of losing you will put up with you and your flaws just as much as you put up with theirs.
I know it’s a hard pill to swallow that someone who meant a lot to you is okay with losing you or sabotaging the relationship you once had but it also tells you so much about that person and what kind of friend or partner they would have been to you. Do you really want someone who doesn’t show up for you? Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t see your worth or value? Do you want to be friends with someone who constantly hurts you and belittles you? Do you want to fall in love with someone who’s constantly prioritizing other things over you? I believe that if you ponder these questions, you’ll understand why losing people who push you away is not a loss at all because you gain back your pride, your self-love, your self-concept and you make room for people who will add so much more joy, stability and love to your life.
Two things make you afraid of losing people; thinking they’re irreplaceable or not knowing your own worth and they both stem from putting others on a pedestal and forgetting to put yourself too. Sometimes we give people too much credit for the good things they do and we give too many excuses for the bad things they do and I think that’s what makes all those relationships so hard to lose. It’s not because they’re irreplaceable, it’s because deep down you know you’ve invested a lot more than you should and you trusted a little too quickly and you’re not ready to face the consequences of your own decisions. You don’t want to feel naive or stupid for letting someone in or trusting someone who didn’t turn out to be that amazing person you painted them to be.
But let me tell you being mad at yourself or thinking you should have known better is the lesser of two evils because at least you can look back at it as a lesson and you can try to be more discerning next time but giving people who push you away or people who don’t appreciate you more time and energy is the best way to live a miserable life because they will never be the people who celebrate your wins or be there for you when you need them which is why it’s better to lose them. It’s better to let them be. It’s better to release them and you know that if they really wanted you, they will find you. Here’s one more thing you learn when you lose these people, that they were capable of being everything you wanted and more but they chose not to. They deliberately denied you what you truly wanted. Remind me again why you want to keep these people in your life?