They don’t tell you that at first, you will be a little lost and confused. You won’t know where to begin or what to do. You won’t figure out exactly how to do it but you’ll just know that you need to fix something. You need to repair whatever damage you brought upon yourself or the world brought upon you.
A little voice inside you will tell you that it’s easier to just live with it than open up the old wounds and dig through the buried demons to heal. Part of you will want to accept the heaviness and live with it but the other part will be begging you to let the heaviness go. It will be begging you to be light again and somehow you will respond more to that part because the other side looks good. The other side means that you don’t have to wake up every day overloaded and sleep every night in a bed full of anxiety and fear. The other side is not messy.
They don’t tell you that it will take a few years to fully heal and release those past burdens that haunt you every time you’re about to embark on a new journey or take a new job or fall for a new person. They don’t tell you that part of you will try to sabotage it before it begins because that’s what you know and that’s what you’re used to but there will always be this glimmer of hope inside of you that maybe this time it will be different, that maybe this new opportunity is not a disaster in disguise, that maybe the things that feel good are actually good for you and you deserve them. There will always be this glimmer of hope that since you’re healing, everything around you is healing too.
They don’t tell you that you will have to proactively reprogram your mind, change your circle and your environment and challenge yourself to truly heal. They don’t tell you that often this means ending childhood friendships, setting boundaries with your loved ones or family and breaking someone else’s heart or your own because you can never heal in the same environment that broke you and brought you pain and you can never heal if you don’t protect yourself from those who played a part in ruining something good for you. You can never heal if you don’t walk away from those who disturbed your inner peace.
They don’t tell you that sometimes you will have to leave certain things and people behind because some things can’t be fixed and some damage can’t be undone. They don’t tell you that healing sometimes means burning bridges and cutting your losses because broken things were broken for a reason and if you’re going to hurt yourself again mending them then you’re better off without them. True healing means abandoning anything toxic even if it’s the last thing you want to do.
They don’t tell you that the battles you’ll have to fight in order to heal will be with the people you need and love and that’s the hardest pill to swallow but once you win those battles, once you burn those bridges, your healing will truly begin and sometimes healing means breaking things that no longer serve you so you can fix yourself.