If you truly want to know someone, you have to see them when they’re angry. You have to test their limits to know how far they can go, what kind of words they will use, what kind of person they are when things aren’t going their way.
If you truly want to know someone, listen to them when they’re angry, watch how they talk to you. Do they belittle you? Do they make you feel inferior? Do they make you feel like you’re to blame for everything that’s wrong with them? Watch who they become when they’re not trying to impress you. Watch who they become when you don’t accommodate their needs.
If you truly want to know someone, examine how they treat you after a fight. Are they okay with leaving you days or weeks without apologizing, without checking up on you, without trying to understand why you’re hurt? Are they okay with losing you over a fight? Do they suddenly take back all their promises and their vows like they didn’t mean them? Examine how they treat you after a fight because that tells you how much they truly care, how afraid or not afraid they are of losing you and what you truly mean to them.
If you truly want to know someone, stand up for yourself, for your values, for your beliefs and communicate your standards because if they only like you when you’re pleasant and obedient and easygoing, then they’re not serious about you. They don’t take your feelings seriously. They don’t want you as a whole, they want the bits and pieces that suit them. The version they approve of. If they only like you when you don’t ask the hard questions, when you don’t challenge them, when you don’t test them to see how much they care, then they will never accept your flaws and they’ll never stick around on the bad days. They’re not in it for the long-haul. They’re only looking for a temporary companion under their terms and conditions.
If you truly want to know someone, watch the way they fight, listen to their angry words, examine how much they’re willing to hurt you when they’re upset, but more than anything, watch very closely how they fight for you, for the relationship, for the connection. Watch closely the aftermath of a fight because it will show you if they’re trying to save the relationships or destroy it and it will show you if everything they ever told you was true or if it was all a lie.