I Need To Heal Myself First Before I Can Truly Love Again

I wish I could fix everything people broke in you. I wish I could erase every person who came into your life and left holes in your heart. I wish there was a way for me to rewind your past and erase every painful memory that made your life a little darker. I wish I had the power to go inside your heart and bring it back to what it used to be.

I wish there was a way to go inside your heart and make it brave again. I wish I could just cleanse your heart and rid it of all the mess, all the chaos and all the heartbreaks. I wish I could show you the kind of love you’ve been missing but darling I’ve learned that love doesn’t work that way and healing doesn’t happen unless you feel it deep inside your soul.

I learned that another human being can’t tell you how you should feel or who you should love or what kind of heart you should have.

I learned that even if the whole world sees something and points it out to you, if you’re not ready to see it, if you’re choosing not to see it then nothing can ever change that. 

Love is the only force you can’t fight even if you know you’re going to lose and I wish I had the power to fight with you but darling that’s one battle you’re going to have to fight on your own.

Because I’m also still healing. I’m still working on myself. I’m still trying to bring my old heart back. And I’m still trying to find a way to fix everything people broke in me. I’m still trying to heal the wounds inside my heart. I’m still trying to be brave again. To trust again. To love again.

And sometimes I wish there was a way for me to stay without losing myself. Sometimes I wish my journey was simple and linear so I can easily turn a blind eye to reality. To the facts that I know too well. To the struggles that I’m still trying to get through.

But here I am, still trying to mend the broken pieces. Still trying to make sense of my journey and still very cautious because I’m not ready to break my own heart again.

Because darling I’ve learned that just like I can’t force you to change your heart or the way you love, I can’t force mine to change either. I’ve learned that if I can’t help you heal, I have to let you go. 

I’ve learned that I need to heal myself first and the rest will follow.